I'm Kissing "Not Dating" Goodbye :)

Note: This is my Project 6 Speech in Toastmasters. 4 more speeches to gooooo. Anyway, the topic was about well... uhmm.. dating. (obviously haha!) I actually posted about this a month ago but I just elaborated my post in order to come up with a 5-7 minute speech. 

Some comments from my evaluator:

* I'm naturally animated by the way I talk (yeah. malikot kasi ako sa stage. nyahaha!)

* I have good play of words. I'm a good writer (I was extremely flattered! haha! I never thought that I'm a good writer eh hirap nga ko magblog)

* I can combine drama and comedy. They love how the "drama" part of my speech sounded so comical. 

* DO AWAY WITH NOTES (okay,sorry sorry..hehe.. Promise I'll at least memorize some parts of my speech so I won't have to use notes. Gah. Hehe!)

Read on. :)

I’m Single. And not so excited to mingle. Do I hear some violent reactions? Yes, you heard me right. I’m not so excited to mingle. Why? Let me tell you my reasons. First of all, I’m tired of love. Love? Who needs that crap? Oops do I sound bitter? Apparently, I’m not. Please note that our heart is the strongest muscle in our body. But muscles get tired, too. So I deduced that my heart just got tired. It’s been exactly two years ago since I’ve become “officially single”.  I love the freedom and “I-don’t-care-and-no-one-will-care-if I-party-all-night” perks that come with it. Of course I do wish that I have someone special but you see, I also stopped dating. It’s been more than 4 months since I stopped dating, too . I’ve been exclusively dating a special guy late last year and well…surprisingly, things didn’t work out. It was such a “bad breakup”. It was so bad that I was so emotionally drained, so traumatized and so freakiiiiiing frustrated and depressed. Really it was more than bad. It was worst. Bad is an understatement. It was one of those dark days in my past when I can’t even find the strength to muster a decent smile… or I feel like laying in my bed to be alone with my thoughts all day, I’m not in the mood to talk or see other people even my own set of friends. Talk about being an ermitanio in it’s fullest sense! I’ve been totally aloof to everyone!  And most specially, I’m not in the mood to eat. Not in the mood to talk is okay but to eat? There must be really something wrong with me. I may be kengkoy and sabaw goofball most of the times, but I've had my fair and unfair share of disappointments and heartbreaks.  

Who knows about the three month rule? It’s the unwritten but universally accepted amount of time before you can date again after a break up. I could have applied the “three-month-rule” in my life but I don’t want to. Instead I applied the “I’M NOT DATING ANYMORE” rule. I don’t want to sound cynical or jaded. I totally believe in love for myself and for my friends but what I believe in more is that dating leads to getting to know a person more and if the two of you get along really really well, it may lead to falling inlove and love is a complicated process. I don’t want complications hence, I don’t want to fall in love which leads me to I don’t want to date and get to know other people. Fellow toastmasters and friends, I just don’t want to get hurt. I felt that I’m already a “suki” in the hurt department so this time around I have to prevent being hurt again.

So I have to say “NO” to dating. There were some guys who expressed their intentions but because I was just as hurt before and I wasn’t really ready to open myself again, I politely turned them down. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn't because I think highly of myself or I suddenly turned to be a man-hater. It wasn't just the right time for me. Most of the guys who ask me out are real fine gentleman but I just don’t want to invest emotions again and I don’t want to waste their time..and more importantly, my time. I also think that I would be doing those guys a disservice by dating them knowing that it would be headed nowhere. I feel that I needed to heal first before I can date anyone. Honestly, no amount of admirers, compliments or whatsoever can make me feel good about myself. For any single girl, this would be a dream scenario - to suddenly feel so "in-demand" and wanted, it was like having this note posted on your forehead that says "I'M SINGLE". It may be an enviable position to be in, but to tell you the truth, it was not really a happy place. So I chose to wait and not to date. A lot of my friends are telling me why don’t I give myself another chance to date again. Some would say it will fasten up my "recovery" from the hurt I went through but I’ll just tell them I’m not ready. I don’t want to just because I don’t want to. It’s like saying “It’s me. It’s not them.”. I wanted time to be with  myself. 

Recently, I just declined an invitation from someone to go out for a date. I was telling that to my friend and she said, “You already!! Why did you just do that? He just asked you out for dinner, not to marry him for goodness sake! Why didn't you say yes? That guy is okay... So can I date him instead?” 

What-a-friend!

I told her “Yes you may date him. I just don’t want to date right now. I don’t want guys anymore. They can be really jerks if they want to.” 

My friend answered "Aha! I know your problem. You tend to generalize that guys are jerks. There are still good men out there. Don't be unfair. Why don't you give yourself a chance? I'm not telling you go get a boyfriend. I'm just saying that if you don't want the guy, then so be it. Just at least give him a chance."

That’s when it hit me. Chances. Second chances. Even third chances. I always tell people I’m generous in giving chances.  I really am until now...kasi naman when you’ve been sooo hurt in the past, you tend to guard your heart more to the extent that you are not anymore giving people chances, you tend to be selfish to them and to yourself. I think it's okay to preserve yourself but you have to know what is just and what is right. Plus, just because one or two people hurt you in the past, it doesn't mean all of them are like that. It's always and will always be right thing to see the goodness in people. 

I'll admit. I'm not getting any younger but marriage is still not on my mind, I'm not marrying until I'm 30! But dating can help me find my future mate. If I never date anyone, how can I know who's the right one for me. Dating will give me the chance to experience the opposite sex in a more intimate manner, therefore allowing me to get to know them better. Dating is a great opportunity to have a relatively deep relationship with someone before I can commit to a lifetime of marriage. I mean think of the odds, if I keep on saying "NO" to dating, it seems pretty hard to say hello to marriage right?

So starting today, I think I should stop being harsh to myself. Hmmmm...so am I ready to date? Not really, but I can try. So here’s my calling card, if you know someone who’s single and ready to mingle, tell them to call me. :)