Happy birthday Mr. Evangelista!:)

Favorite picture ko talaga to. Ang galing kasi kumuha ni ate. Background talaga tayo ng...uhm...tubig at food, won't you agree? Haha! I love you! <3

I'M SO INLOVE!!!! <3

I've been told thrice for the day that they think I'm inlove. And guess what. I AM. 

I Found Someone!!! :)

All my bags are packed... Am I ready to go?

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

I'm singing the song in my head!!! For the past few days I'm packing all my stuff and putting them into boxes. I don't know how I managed to have LOTS of stuff in the office. Marion keeps on teasing me "Kasi naman sino ba magsabi sayo magdala ng unan, ng ref, ng cabinet etc. sa office? Ginawa mo ng bahay niyo yung office niyo" Lol. Of course he was exaggerating. I just have lots of "mini" and unnecessary stuff in my workstation that I have to dispose or bring home. While cleaning my pedestal, I saw my 2010 and 2011 Planners. I skimmed through the pages and realized that a LOT of things have happened to me during those years. I've lived a "colorful" life during those times. It made me nostalgic too. It made me miss some people and it made me realized that things and people can change in a snap of a finger - One moment you're happy, the next day you're not. I decided not to dwell on it anymore because reading the entries on my planner (which really serves as a journal and not a planner hehe), makes me feel...bittersweet. But oh well. Past is past.

Next week we'll be transferring to a new office at the Fort. The Fort will always be dear to me because first, it is where I had my first job. I remember the first time I've been there. I was so mesmerized with the place (haha mesmerized talaga eh no) and I told myself  "Dito ako magwowork. Promise." Talk about law of attraction and indeed it happened! I love Global City more than Makati so when I resigned from my first job and began working at Makati, I vow to myself that the next time I'll be changing jobs, I'll make sure it will be at the Fort. Also, the Fort holds many memories. It is my "date place", my "tambayan", my chillax place, my "hohol" place. I'd rather not name names here. But it is where "we" usually hangout before. 

Before, I was so excited at the thought of transferring at the Fort. When I first had my orientation at Eastwest, the HR guy already told me that we're moving at a new office at Global City soon. I've been waiting for that day for the longest time because of personal reasons. I'm even makulit in asking the authorities kung kelan ba talaga lilipat! And now, this is for real. OMAYGULAY LILIPAT NA TALAGA KAMI BUT BUT BUT  this time I'm NOT EXCITED anymore. In fact, I don't want to transfer anymore because of personal reasons again. There's a little chance that I'll meet "someone" there. But a chance is still a chance. Kung si D nga nakita ko sa MRT and worse same door pa and I've always thought that there's NO chance that I'll see him there, pano pa kaya ngayon na may little chance? I don't know... I guess I just don't know if I'm ready to see "him" again. I mean I'm okay now. I'm sincerely happy now but I just don't know how I'll react when the chance will present itself.

But oh well. I think I'm ready to go now. Afterall, wala naman ako choice no! Hahaha! So, the Fort... see you in 144 hours! 

One down. Another one to go. It's not nice to break someone's heart because I know how it feels. :| But I only have to choose one.

Funny how I ask God for a certain person and He gives me a lot of other choices. Si Lord namaaaan ehh. Not that I'm complaining pero kasiiii...wala lang. I guess that's how ironic life is.

I'm Kissing "Not Dating" Goodbye :)

Note: This is my Project 6 Speech in Toastmasters. 4 more speeches to gooooo. Anyway, the topic was about well... uhmm.. dating. (obviously haha!) I actually posted about this a month ago but I just elaborated my post in order to come up with a 5-7 minute speech. 

Some comments from my evaluator:

* I'm naturally animated by the way I talk (yeah. malikot kasi ako sa stage. nyahaha!)

* I have good play of words. I'm a good writer (I was extremely flattered! haha! I never thought that I'm a good writer eh hirap nga ko magblog)

* I can combine drama and comedy. They love how the "drama" part of my speech sounded so comical. 

* DO AWAY WITH NOTES (okay,sorry sorry..hehe.. Promise I'll at least memorize some parts of my speech so I won't have to use notes. Gah. Hehe!)

Read on. :)

I’m Single. And not so excited to mingle. Do I hear some violent reactions? Yes, you heard me right. I’m not so excited to mingle. Why? Let me tell you my reasons. First of all, I’m tired of love. Love? Who needs that crap? Oops do I sound bitter? Apparently, I’m not. Please note that our heart is the strongest muscle in our body. But muscles get tired, too. So I deduced that my heart just got tired. It’s been exactly two years ago since I’ve become “officially single”.  I love the freedom and “I-don’t-care-and-no-one-will-care-if I-party-all-night” perks that come with it. Of course I do wish that I have someone special but you see, I also stopped dating. It’s been more than 4 months since I stopped dating, too . I’ve been exclusively dating a special guy late last year and well…surprisingly, things didn’t work out. It was such a “bad breakup”. It was so bad that I was so emotionally drained, so traumatized and so freakiiiiiing frustrated and depressed. Really it was more than bad. It was worst. Bad is an understatement. It was one of those dark days in my past when I can’t even find the strength to muster a decent smile… or I feel like laying in my bed to be alone with my thoughts all day, I’m not in the mood to talk or see other people even my own set of friends. Talk about being an ermitanio in it’s fullest sense! I’ve been totally aloof to everyone!  And most specially, I’m not in the mood to eat. Not in the mood to talk is okay but to eat? There must be really something wrong with me. I may be kengkoy and sabaw goofball most of the times, but I've had my fair and unfair share of disappointments and heartbreaks.  

Who knows about the three month rule? It’s the unwritten but universally accepted amount of time before you can date again after a break up. I could have applied the “three-month-rule” in my life but I don’t want to. Instead I applied the “I’M NOT DATING ANYMORE” rule. I don’t want to sound cynical or jaded. I totally believe in love for myself and for my friends but what I believe in more is that dating leads to getting to know a person more and if the two of you get along really really well, it may lead to falling inlove and love is a complicated process. I don’t want complications hence, I don’t want to fall in love which leads me to I don’t want to date and get to know other people. Fellow toastmasters and friends, I just don’t want to get hurt. I felt that I’m already a “suki” in the hurt department so this time around I have to prevent being hurt again.

So I have to say “NO” to dating. There were some guys who expressed their intentions but because I was just as hurt before and I wasn’t really ready to open myself again, I politely turned them down. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn't because I think highly of myself or I suddenly turned to be a man-hater. It wasn't just the right time for me. Most of the guys who ask me out are real fine gentleman but I just don’t want to invest emotions again and I don’t want to waste their time..and more importantly, my time. I also think that I would be doing those guys a disservice by dating them knowing that it would be headed nowhere. I feel that I needed to heal first before I can date anyone. Honestly, no amount of admirers, compliments or whatsoever can make me feel good about myself. For any single girl, this would be a dream scenario - to suddenly feel so "in-demand" and wanted, it was like having this note posted on your forehead that says "I'M SINGLE". It may be an enviable position to be in, but to tell you the truth, it was not really a happy place. So I chose to wait and not to date. A lot of my friends are telling me why don’t I give myself another chance to date again. Some would say it will fasten up my "recovery" from the hurt I went through but I’ll just tell them I’m not ready. I don’t want to just because I don’t want to. It’s like saying “It’s me. It’s not them.”. I wanted time to be with  myself. 

Recently, I just declined an invitation from someone to go out for a date. I was telling that to my friend and she said, “You already!! Why did you just do that? He just asked you out for dinner, not to marry him for goodness sake! Why didn't you say yes? That guy is okay... So can I date him instead?” 

What-a-friend!

I told her “Yes you may date him. I just don’t want to date right now. I don’t want guys anymore. They can be really jerks if they want to.” 

My friend answered "Aha! I know your problem. You tend to generalize that guys are jerks. There are still good men out there. Don't be unfair. Why don't you give yourself a chance? I'm not telling you go get a boyfriend. I'm just saying that if you don't want the guy, then so be it. Just at least give him a chance."

That’s when it hit me. Chances. Second chances. Even third chances. I always tell people I’m generous in giving chances.  I really am until now...kasi naman when you’ve been sooo hurt in the past, you tend to guard your heart more to the extent that you are not anymore giving people chances, you tend to be selfish to them and to yourself. I think it's okay to preserve yourself but you have to know what is just and what is right. Plus, just because one or two people hurt you in the past, it doesn't mean all of them are like that. It's always and will always be right thing to see the goodness in people. 

I'll admit. I'm not getting any younger but marriage is still not on my mind, I'm not marrying until I'm 30! But dating can help me find my future mate. If I never date anyone, how can I know who's the right one for me. Dating will give me the chance to experience the opposite sex in a more intimate manner, therefore allowing me to get to know them better. Dating is a great opportunity to have a relatively deep relationship with someone before I can commit to a lifetime of marriage. I mean think of the odds, if I keep on saying "NO" to dating, it seems pretty hard to say hello to marriage right?

So starting today, I think I should stop being harsh to myself. Hmmmm...so am I ready to date? Not really, but I can try. So here’s my calling card, if you know someone who’s single and ready to mingle, tell them to call me. :)

When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed. -Jane Fonda

Life is too short to hesitate over such important matters. In the end, you do not want to hold regrets about the things you could not do.

:D

I'm so happy!!! This time I'm sincerely happy. :D :D :D

If...

If I knew the things I know now, I would be at a different place and live a different life. Funny but I believe that each of us is allowed to make selfish, hurried, spur-of-the-moment decisions on our own during the time of our youth. Don't miss out on the opportunity to explore the world and make sense of life from your own experiences. It is your right and license to living. But after making all the wrong turns, missing the right hits, and mastering nothing but failures, you need to learn to accept that your strength is not enough to create a new life. You need something Powerful, that is beyond any human brain could fathom and let that Power lead you and guide you to the truth, the way and the life.

You appreciate what is good when you've had a taste of what is bad. You appreciate the light when you've lived in the dark. You appreciate happiness when you've lingered in sadness.

If I knew the things I know now, I wouldn't be here. But I would never have appreciated the simple things I have now if not for what I had. :)

Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You

By: Gaby Dunn

What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For instance:

In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.

Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.

If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.

If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.

Well, isn’t that comforting?

If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?

Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.

:)

I attended my former officemate Lyra's wedding last Sunday. I'm sooooo happy for her! Weddings really make me happy and nostalgic (nostalgic?! kala mo naman kinasal na ko eh no. Haha!) . It's my second time to attend one and I still have those giddy feelings all over. Hmmm makes me wonder on how I'll feel when it's my own wedding. One thing I realized also, yung groom ang umiiyak sa wedding!!! Haha! I noticed that when the bride walks on the aisle or when the bride gives her vow, yung guy yung teary-eyed. Ang cuuuute! :) Guys are cute when they are happily teary-eyed. Naku po, being a cry baby, ayoko naman maiyak sa wedding ko. Masisira make-up ko!!! Anyway, I got this lesson from the priest's sermon during the wedding:


"Huwag na huwag mong bibitawan ang isang bagay na ayaw mong makitang hawak ng iba... Huwag mong hawakan ang isang bagay kung alam mong bibitiwan mo lang... at huwag na huwag ka rin hahawak ng isang bagay kung alam mo na may hawak ka na."

So true.

Perfectly Imperfect

Note: This is my Project 5 Speech in Toastmasters which earned me the title "Best Speaker of the Day". I made it three hours before our meeting that's why I'm soooo happy that I got the award. I managed to make a "decent" speech after all. I guess it's really more effective when you compose a speech which comes from the heart. Super nakakarelate ako sa speech ko na to... Though the story is somewhat twisted and half-true, the message of my speech is what I really want to impart to the audience. The story is just a representation of what happened in my real life. These are the harsh realities that I've learned for the past months. Read on. :)

Let me tell you a story when I was about an incoming freshman college. I can still vividly remember that day. I was so happy my parents allowed me to enroll at my dream school. I won’t say the name of the school for security purposes. So here’s how it goes...

I was waiting in line looking at the marvelous buildings around me, the large soccer field, when two guys infront of me caught my attention. They were good looking and macho – you know those typical guys who I only see in commercials and magazines. They were talking about how the line for enrollment is taking too long and their conversation goes like this:

Guy 1: It’s so matagal the pila here pare ne?

Guy2: Yeah and it’s like already lunch time na.

And so this is how they speak here. I mused. It’s like parang they are all rich ha, my thought bubble goes. I was just eavesdropping on their conversation when the guy turned to me.

“Hi Miss, what time is it?”

I was startled. Oh.my.gash. They’re talking to me. These two angels infront of me are looking at me waiting for me to answer the billion dollar question – what. time. is. it. The world turned into slow motion. The flirty version of myself flashed my close up smile, tucked my hair into my ear, looked at my watch and said : “It’s like parang 11 am na” The guy said “Thanks. It’s so matagal the line no? By the way I’m Dan and this is my friend Mark and you are?”

“I’m Patricia. But you can kul me Pat”. Uh-oh. What did I just say? My brain gone wild the moment I said that. Kul? Like you know...cool, I meant call. The one word ruined the perfect moment. I wanted the ground to swallow me alive. I turned not just red but maroon out of embarrassment. I excused myself and turned my back from them and started walking. The guy called out to me and said “Hey Pat. You have putik on your legs”. I turned around to look and said “Oh this one? It’s called birthmark. You know balat. Thanks anyway so if you may excuse me. I need to go to the restroom.” I started walking again and surprisingly, my flat-footedness striked at the most inappropriate time. I don't know what happened to my ankle but I tripped. Can I get any luckier than that?! Haaaay.

Flaws. Imperfections. Blemishes. Weaknesses. Deficiencies. Defect.  Whatever you call it. It sounded so negative. That event in my life made me realize my imperfections - I have mishaps in my sentences, I'm sporting a weird spot on my legs, I'm flat-footed... in short, I AM SO IMPERFECT. You see, for me, it was an almost perfect moment but my imperfections got into the way.

According to Websters dictionary, flaw is a weakness that invalidates. I define it as something that I don't want but I can't help it I have it. Everybody has their own set of imperfections. There are little and big things about each and everyone of us that could easily become perceived a "flaw" and if we allow ourselves to think that it is actually one, sure enough we'll live a life trying to mask it. Whether it's physical, emotional, social or even spiritual, there's always something that would always be a cause of insecurity. The challenge for us is to adapt a more positive approach towards it, to wear it proud instead of hiding it. Nobody is perfect so why fuss about our own imperfections. One thing that I've learned in my life is to be always grateful of who I am. But that doesn't mean that I have to be complacent. That's the good thing about flaws and imperfections, there's always a room for improvement.

I for example, just like anyone of you, have some shares of physical and character flaws that I can't count on my fingers. There are flaws that I cannot anymore change and there are some more that I can. I'm sometimes lazy, stubborn, fickle, impatient and annoying. The challenge for me is to accept and acknowledge that I have these character flaws and knowing that, that's when improvement begins. I always challenge myself to become a better person, not for anyone else, but for myself. It's hard because it's not an overnight process. I can't just say to myself  "Okay Patty, starting today, you don't have to be lazy, stubborn, fickle, impatient and annoying." and boom the next morning I am not. But once you have the drive to be better, it will be a lot easier.

For the physical flaws, like this annoying birthmark on my legs, the only thing I can do is to just accept it. It's something that I have even when I was young. Acceptance is the key if you can't change a thing. Ayan na eh.   There's nothing I cannot do about it. When you can't change something, just change your attitude towards it. Admittedly, it will be hard at first. But once you got over it, you'll live a happier life. Of course, there will be times when people will rub into your face your imperfections. I remember when I was younger, a lot of people would ask what this is. It made me insecure at first but will I allow this teeny-weeny part of my body define who I am? Certainly not. So I just dismissed it. Today when someone would ask me what this weird thing is I'll just say "Oh this one? When I was younger, a big fly landed on my legs and I spat it. Sadly, it died on my legs." If other people can't accept you because of your flaws, then it's not your problem anymore. Of course I have a host of other physical "flaws" from my small height, to small nose and loads more in between. But these are the things that make me - ME and make me wonderfully made by God. I know there really is a pressure to live up to certain standards mandated by society but the best thing we can do is to love ourselves regardless of our flaws. If we can change it, then go ahead. If not, change our attitude.

Perfection doesn't equate to happiness. I'm perfectly imperfect.  I'm so grateful for my imperfections because these flaws make me humble and I know despite this, I'm perfectly wonderful in the eyes of God.