TBT

Throwback to my college blog post! Unearthed this blog while sorting my files. This post is so apt as I'm also on my last term in Graduate school. But contrary to what I felt before, I think I'm in a better position now because I don't feel any pressure right now. I just feel... tired. Hahaha! So I need to graduate this term. Nevertheless, ang OA ko lang dati ah! Lol. Hahaha!


What I'm Feeling Now

Nine days from now will be our graduation. And two days from now will be my removals exam.

I honestly don't know what I feel right now. I just want to define what pressure is:

It's when my mom asks me "O trish anong gusto mong style ng dress mo for graduation?" and all I can say is "kahit ano na lang.." and I know that deep down inside I am not really sure if I'll be marching or not..

It's when my aunts and uncles ask me what I want for graduation gift and all I can say is "wag na lang po.."

It's when my cousins and neighbors and my parents' office mates congratulate me for finally "finishing" college...


and the feeling just sucks.. I always feel teary-eyed whenever people (people who know my dilemma) ask me how am I doing...asking me if I am okay..cause I know deep down inside I AM NOT. I AM NOT OKAY. 

I've been looking for reasons to smile since last week..But..but..I don't know..I am just plain sad.  I know sometimes I look okay with everything that is happening but I JUST LOOK OKAY..I am just good at pretending......and I hate having to wear those rose-colored glasses they call 'shades' just to hide away the pain I'm feeling..


I received a text from my bestfriend just last Saturday night. He said:

"Patching, wala lang. Bigla lang kita naalala, Ano ng nangyari sa removals mo? Sana ok na yan para makagraduate ka na, makahanap ng work, sumweldo at makapanlibre! Haha! Gunyt.."

I don't know..
I just don't know..

I really can't bear this feeling........................................... 


I told Nikko once "Nikko, pag di ko napasa tong removals ko, papakamatay ako. Swear."
I know that is a REAAAAAAAAAALLLY lame idea..but then.. I never felt so scared/pressured/sad/depressed in my whole life..just now..


Can somebody make me smile? Please? I just need to stop crying... 

In times of confusion and in times when you are running out of choices, be reminded of one thing: prayer changes things...