tWiStEd LiFe

Note: I didn't plan to join the club contest at first. But while driving on my way to the venue, I suddenly thought of something that I wanted to share. Besides, it's been a long time since I delivered a speech at my home club. As soon as I got to the venue, I started writing my thoughts (I was able to compose a speech in just 15 minutes! Yeah, a milestone for me!) Maybe it was because I was stressed with my school paper that my brain decided to compose something new (my brain's thought bubble: pagod na ko sa pagcompose ng sentences para sa thesis mo...para maiba naman, magcocompose ako ng speech mo. lol)

Here's my "winning" speech that made it to the Area contest. Those are booboos that really happened in my life (except for the cute gasoline boy part because he's not really cute lol and some parts of the story were exaggerated) and I've always wanted to blog about it. Apparently, they are too embarrassing to share but oh well... Haha!


Driving Me Nuts
won 2nd place in the Toastmasters Club Level and 3rd place in the Area Level - Humorous Category

When I was in college, it was my ultimate dream to have my own car. I felt that driving my own car would make me independent and you know… cool.

I would dream of driving to places – Baguio, Tagaytay, EDSA… Now, my dream became… a nightmare! I drive along EDSA everyday and I’m always stuck in traffic.

Along the way I realize, I don’t really like driving. Here are the reasons why:

First of all, I don’t know the different parts of a car. Having a boyfriend who works for an automotive company, the only parts of the car he taught me are: the steering wheel, the brakes and uhmm.. what do you call that? See, I don’t know the parts of a car.. Aha! The accelerator pads. According to him, those are what I only need to know in order to drive.

I remember when I was looking for a car to buy. The sales agent asked me, “Ma’am what specs are you looking for? What transmission and engine do you want for your car?” and I said, “I want a red car.. with a big interior mirror for me to use when traffic is heavy…so I can put my make up on. As for the transmission.. I want it to be transmitted to the far away kingdom of the frequently flooded… Valenzuela. Because that’s where I live.”

I think the agent secretly thought, “Oh, this girl knows nothing about cars.” Now you may ask what the heck, in driving you really don’t need to know the different parts of a car. I tell you for me it’s important.

I remember when it was my first time to have gas. A cute gasoline boy attended to me: “Good morning Ma’am, unleaded or diesel?”

“Unleaded please”.

“Open the gas please.”

 “What the heck is he talking about?” I recalled that whenever my boyfriend would have his car gas up, he would trigger a lever under his seat. So I tried looking for that button! I don’t want to look ignorant so I transformed into an actress, “Wait a minute. Someone’s calling.” I tried calling my bf but he wasn’t answering his phone. When I saw there was already a line of cars behind me and the boy looking impatient, I swallowed my pride and said “Kuya, what is it that I have to open?Where is it ba? The one I have to make pindot?”

“Ma’am here it is.” Imagine he speaks English! 

I pulled the level and lo and behold! The trunks of my car went open. By then, I think he thinks I might have the car... stolen!

Another booboo I made was when I accidentally activated the switch for the wiper. It’s actually ok to have the wipers on but the problem is the sun is shining brightly! I don’t know how to turn it off and drivers around me must have thought I was crazy. Having it on a sunny day is like wearing sunglasses inside the cinema. I was only able to turn it off when I got home.

Number two reason why I hate driving: I am careless. It’s not that I am a reckless driver but I tend to ignore bumps, humps and even items on the road. One day, I was driving when I noticed motorcycle drivers were honking at me and giving me a strange look like I was an… alien. I was like “Is it your first time to see a girl driving a car?!” I thought they just find me a slow driver so I increased my speed (show your bratty face). When I came to an intersection, a driver beside me opened his window and said, “Miss, there’s something hanging by your car!” Que horror! I found out a fallen tarpaulin was hanging on my wheel and I’ve been dragging it throughout the stretch of Commonwealth.

Last but not the least, I hate traffic enforcers. I have a notion that all traffic enforcers will always find a traffic violation as soon as you open your car window. Isn't it weird how they make us paranoid instead of being protected?

A month ago, after working for 18 hours on a weekend, decided to eat at the nearest fastfood chain. As I was about to park, an enforcer knocked on my window and said, “Ma’am this is a one way street”. I froze. He asked for my license and gave it to him immediately.

“Ma’am what do you think? Should I give you a ticket or not? Oh.. by the way ma’am the fine is 2k. But we can talk about it.”

Because I am hungry, I became angry at him. I broke out and started crying. “Sir I was just hungry and I am just going to eat. I've been working overtime and I haven't eaten my dinner and...and... I'm starting to hate my job.Now if you will give me a ticket then do so. And do it fast because I’m hungry and if you don’t let me eat, I’ll eat you instead.” The enforcer shocked with my reaction just let me go.

You see, those are many of the reasons why I hate driving. But seeing the brighter side of it, I realized my dream to have a car. Fellow TM's, just like me, your dreams might also have come true but now you're complaining about it. Don't! Live your dream or make it better. In my case, I make it better by having my boyfriend drive for me.