FAKE FAITH IT 'TILL YOU MAKE IT

Thesis It!

I was told not to take a picture with Oble when I was in college in order to graduate on time. I followed that advice, nevertheless, I still did not graduate on time (I took college for five years because I shifted to another course so technically I was not delayed lol). Anyway, now that I'm taking my masters degree and still have to pass my thesis defense in order to graduate, I took a picture with Archer. Walang jinx jinx! Hahaha! I will graduate no matter what. I'm claiming it. --> Okay, I feel pressured. Huhuhu hahaha!

I couldn't contain my happiness last Saturday because finally, the three-month long of sleepless nights have finally come to an end. NOT YET. Well, some sorta kinda. Finally, I was able to finish my thesis and I'm up for the final challenge: The defense. I was told that last term, a couple of students failed the defense. *sigh* But at least, finishing my thesis is already an achievement. Should I fail the defense, there's always next term. But I don't want to fail it. I don't and I can't. I have already plans laid out should I finish my MBA. I'll promise to do my bestest (not just my best) and I will leave to God the rest.

My friends and I were actually teasing each other before we had our 'pictorial' that as soon as we post the picture, nakataga na sa bato na gra-graduate kami. And we actually have hesitations of having our picture taken with Archer. Lol.

Ang saya saya pala ng pakiramdam pag natapos na ang thesis. I was actually H-A-G-G-A-R-D (look at that eyebags!) because I have to overcome some obstacles on the process. I think the feeling would be magnified once I pass the defense. Hopefully, I will.

Thank you my dear classmates for being with me throughout this journey. Ibang klase ang ka-ngaragan na pinagdaanan natin in order to get that signature that would entitle us to push through with the defense. We are all feeling disheartened because (not just once but twice!) we have to convince our adviser to sign our endorsement forms. We can do this!

Last Thursday night - with our dear thesis adviser. Ang saya saya lang namin no?

For three years now I have been writing about my MBA journey. Soon, it will finally come to an end. I couldn't be more grateful to the Lord for giving me the strength, wisdom, and money (of course! ang mahal kaya ng tuition sa LaSalle hahaha!) to continue this journey. I remember when I was in college, I vow to my then immature self that 'pag graduate ko hinding hindi na ko mag-aaral ulet. But then I swallowed what I said and took a graduate degree. Indeed, heartbreak can do wonders -- I was actually heartbroken when I decided to take MBA in order to keep myself busy and in order to prove to someone my worth. Looking back, my reasons for taking MBA were so silly and it changed with time. I decided to continue on with my studies in order to improve myself, learn more and widen my network. It was all worth it. I guess, I'm going to miss studying soon. Hmmm... might as well take doctorate degree. Loljk. For now, I will focus on preparing for my thesis defense. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Aja!

So I came early to work today and I saw the sun rays peeping through my window. Then I saw this:

Goodbye, Mandarin Hotel. You are the reason why we experience daily earthquakes. Lol.
On the side note, I'm happy that the sun is on my back now. (Halaman lang kasi talaga peg ko eh no? Haha!) The temperature in the office is freezing cold and I'm happy to welcome some heat. Also, I can see BGC from here. Hmmm... this must be a sign. Nyahaha! BGC is calling me again. My ex-officemate told me that the big boss of my previous company wants to hire me again. I'm extremely flattered... and I might consider it if the price is right. Hahaha!

Mowdel

I got approached by  someone, who introduced herself as a talent scout, last week. She told me if I wanted to do a photoshoot for a toothpaste ad. Their agency is also looking for ramp models who can model their client's clothing line. She gave me her calling card and I.couldn't.believe.it. Lol.

Anyway, I said I'll try and will contact her soonest. I haven't contacted her because...well, I'm skeptic (skeptic that she's a talent scout and not on me being a mowdel hahaha!)

So it pays to look extra glamorous on a normal day, ayt? Haha! I should make an effort to look dolled-up everyday. Sabi na nga eh, magmomodelo na lang ako. Bakit ba ko nagpapakahirap sa corporate world?! Lol.

Hmmm... should I try out? It has been my dream to be model. Apparently, I am still small to be a ramp model. Huhu! I lack an inch (same reason why I cannot be a flight attendant).

Okay, I'm going to call her after I submit my thesis. I still have to revise my thesis. ACK!!!!

I already tried being a TV host, what's hindering me from trying out to be a model? Lol.

For the nth time, somebody told us we look like twins. Huwaat? San banda?!? Lol. Ang gwapo ko pala. :)

TBT

Throwback to my college blog post! Unearthed this blog while sorting my files. This post is so apt as I'm also on my last term in Graduate school. But contrary to what I felt before, I think I'm in a better position now because I don't feel any pressure right now. I just feel... tired. Hahaha! So I need to graduate this term. Nevertheless, ang OA ko lang dati ah! Lol. Hahaha!


What I'm Feeling Now

Nine days from now will be our graduation. And two days from now will be my removals exam.

I honestly don't know what I feel right now. I just want to define what pressure is:

It's when my mom asks me "O trish anong gusto mong style ng dress mo for graduation?" and all I can say is "kahit ano na lang.." and I know that deep down inside I am not really sure if I'll be marching or not..

It's when my aunts and uncles ask me what I want for graduation gift and all I can say is "wag na lang po.."

It's when my cousins and neighbors and my parents' office mates congratulate me for finally "finishing" college...


and the feeling just sucks.. I always feel teary-eyed whenever people (people who know my dilemma) ask me how am I doing...asking me if I am okay..cause I know deep down inside I AM NOT. I AM NOT OKAY. 

I've been looking for reasons to smile since last week..But..but..I don't know..I am just plain sad.  I know sometimes I look okay with everything that is happening but I JUST LOOK OKAY..I am just good at pretending......and I hate having to wear those rose-colored glasses they call 'shades' just to hide away the pain I'm feeling..


I received a text from my bestfriend just last Saturday night. He said:

"Patching, wala lang. Bigla lang kita naalala, Ano ng nangyari sa removals mo? Sana ok na yan para makagraduate ka na, makahanap ng work, sumweldo at makapanlibre! Haha! Gunyt.."

I don't know..
I just don't know..

I really can't bear this feeling........................................... 


I told Nikko once "Nikko, pag di ko napasa tong removals ko, papakamatay ako. Swear."
I know that is a REAAAAAAAAAALLLY lame idea..but then.. I never felt so scared/pressured/sad/depressed in my whole life..just now..


Can somebody make me smile? Please? I just need to stop crying... 

In times of confusion and in times when you are running out of choices, be reminded of one thing: prayer changes things...

Read this today:

“Keep your eyes focused on the Lord. Everything else will follow.”
Ayt!

Note: I didn't plan to join the club contest at first. But while driving on my way to the venue, I suddenly thought of something that I wanted to share. Besides, it's been a long time since I delivered a speech at my home club. As soon as I got to the venue, I started writing my thoughts (I was able to compose a speech in just 15 minutes! Yeah, a milestone for me!) Maybe it was because I was stressed with my school paper that my brain decided to compose something new (my brain's thought bubble: pagod na ko sa pagcompose ng sentences para sa thesis mo...para maiba naman, magcocompose ako ng speech mo. lol)

Here's my "winning" speech that made it to the Area contest. Those are booboos that really happened in my life (except for the cute gasoline boy part because he's not really cute lol and some parts of the story were exaggerated) and I've always wanted to blog about it. Apparently, they are too embarrassing to share but oh well... Haha!


Driving Me Nuts
won 2nd place in the Toastmasters Club Level and 3rd place in the Area Level - Humorous Category

When I was in college, it was my ultimate dream to have my own car. I felt that driving my own car would make me independent and you know… cool.

I would dream of driving to places – Baguio, Tagaytay, EDSA… Now, my dream became… a nightmare! I drive along EDSA everyday and I’m always stuck in traffic.

Along the way I realize, I don’t really like driving. Here are the reasons why:

First of all, I don’t know the different parts of a car. Having a boyfriend who works for an automotive company, the only parts of the car he taught me are: the steering wheel, the brakes and uhmm.. what do you call that? See, I don’t know the parts of a car.. Aha! The accelerator pads. According to him, those are what I only need to know in order to drive.

I remember when I was looking for a car to buy. The sales agent asked me, “Ma’am what specs are you looking for? What transmission and engine do you want for your car?” and I said, “I want a red car.. with a big interior mirror for me to use when traffic is heavy…so I can put my make up on. As for the transmission.. I want it to be transmitted to the far away kingdom of the frequently flooded… Valenzuela. Because that’s where I live.”

I think the agent secretly thought, “Oh, this girl knows nothing about cars.” Now you may ask what the heck, in driving you really don’t need to know the different parts of a car. I tell you for me it’s important.

I remember when it was my first time to have gas. A cute gasoline boy attended to me: “Good morning Ma’am, unleaded or diesel?”

“Unleaded please”.

“Open the gas please.”

 “What the heck is he talking about?” I recalled that whenever my boyfriend would have his car gas up, he would trigger a lever under his seat. So I tried looking for that button! I don’t want to look ignorant so I transformed into an actress, “Wait a minute. Someone’s calling.” I tried calling my bf but he wasn’t answering his phone. When I saw there was already a line of cars behind me and the boy looking impatient, I swallowed my pride and said “Kuya, what is it that I have to open?Where is it ba? The one I have to make pindot?”

“Ma’am here it is.” Imagine he speaks English! 

I pulled the level and lo and behold! The trunks of my car went open. By then, I think he thinks I might have the car... stolen!

Another booboo I made was when I accidentally activated the switch for the wiper. It’s actually ok to have the wipers on but the problem is the sun is shining brightly! I don’t know how to turn it off and drivers around me must have thought I was crazy. Having it on a sunny day is like wearing sunglasses inside the cinema. I was only able to turn it off when I got home.

Number two reason why I hate driving: I am careless. It’s not that I am a reckless driver but I tend to ignore bumps, humps and even items on the road. One day, I was driving when I noticed motorcycle drivers were honking at me and giving me a strange look like I was an… alien. I was like “Is it your first time to see a girl driving a car?!” I thought they just find me a slow driver so I increased my speed (show your bratty face). When I came to an intersection, a driver beside me opened his window and said, “Miss, there’s something hanging by your car!” Que horror! I found out a fallen tarpaulin was hanging on my wheel and I’ve been dragging it throughout the stretch of Commonwealth.

Last but not the least, I hate traffic enforcers. I have a notion that all traffic enforcers will always find a traffic violation as soon as you open your car window. Isn't it weird how they make us paranoid instead of being protected?

A month ago, after working for 18 hours on a weekend, decided to eat at the nearest fastfood chain. As I was about to park, an enforcer knocked on my window and said, “Ma’am this is a one way street”. I froze. He asked for my license and gave it to him immediately.

“Ma’am what do you think? Should I give you a ticket or not? Oh.. by the way ma’am the fine is 2k. But we can talk about it.”

Because I am hungry, I became angry at him. I broke out and started crying. “Sir I was just hungry and I am just going to eat. I've been working overtime and I haven't eaten my dinner and...and... I'm starting to hate my job.Now if you will give me a ticket then do so. And do it fast because I’m hungry and if you don’t let me eat, I’ll eat you instead.” The enforcer shocked with my reaction just let me go.

You see, those are many of the reasons why I hate driving. But seeing the brighter side of it, I realized my dream to have a car. Fellow TM's, just like me, your dreams might also have come true but now you're complaining about it. Don't! Live your dream or make it better. In my case, I make it better by having my boyfriend drive for me.

Kahit tapos na ang Feb-ibig :)

Your own love tank must be full in order to fill others'. Mine is overflowing that I have to get another one. :) Lol.