When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed. -Jane Fonda

Life is too short to hesitate over such important matters. In the end, you do not want to hold regrets about the things you could not do.

:D

I'm so happy!!! This time I'm sincerely happy. :D :D :D

If...

If I knew the things I know now, I would be at a different place and live a different life. Funny but I believe that each of us is allowed to make selfish, hurried, spur-of-the-moment decisions on our own during the time of our youth. Don't miss out on the opportunity to explore the world and make sense of life from your own experiences. It is your right and license to living. But after making all the wrong turns, missing the right hits, and mastering nothing but failures, you need to learn to accept that your strength is not enough to create a new life. You need something Powerful, that is beyond any human brain could fathom and let that Power lead you and guide you to the truth, the way and the life.

You appreciate what is good when you've had a taste of what is bad. You appreciate the light when you've lived in the dark. You appreciate happiness when you've lingered in sadness.

If I knew the things I know now, I wouldn't be here. But I would never have appreciated the simple things I have now if not for what I had. :)

Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You

By: Gaby Dunn

What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For instance:

In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.

Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.

If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.

If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.

Well, isn’t that comforting?

If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?

Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.

:)

I attended my former officemate Lyra's wedding last Sunday. I'm sooooo happy for her! Weddings really make me happy and nostalgic (nostalgic?! kala mo naman kinasal na ko eh no. Haha!) . It's my second time to attend one and I still have those giddy feelings all over. Hmmm makes me wonder on how I'll feel when it's my own wedding. One thing I realized also, yung groom ang umiiyak sa wedding!!! Haha! I noticed that when the bride walks on the aisle or when the bride gives her vow, yung guy yung teary-eyed. Ang cuuuute! :) Guys are cute when they are happily teary-eyed. Naku po, being a cry baby, ayoko naman maiyak sa wedding ko. Masisira make-up ko!!! Anyway, I got this lesson from the priest's sermon during the wedding:


"Huwag na huwag mong bibitawan ang isang bagay na ayaw mong makitang hawak ng iba... Huwag mong hawakan ang isang bagay kung alam mong bibitiwan mo lang... at huwag na huwag ka rin hahawak ng isang bagay kung alam mo na may hawak ka na."

So true.

Perfectly Imperfect

Note: This is my Project 5 Speech in Toastmasters which earned me the title "Best Speaker of the Day". I made it three hours before our meeting that's why I'm soooo happy that I got the award. I managed to make a "decent" speech after all. I guess it's really more effective when you compose a speech which comes from the heart. Super nakakarelate ako sa speech ko na to... Though the story is somewhat twisted and half-true, the message of my speech is what I really want to impart to the audience. The story is just a representation of what happened in my real life. These are the harsh realities that I've learned for the past months. Read on. :)

Let me tell you a story when I was about an incoming freshman college. I can still vividly remember that day. I was so happy my parents allowed me to enroll at my dream school. I won’t say the name of the school for security purposes. So here’s how it goes...

I was waiting in line looking at the marvelous buildings around me, the large soccer field, when two guys infront of me caught my attention. They were good looking and macho – you know those typical guys who I only see in commercials and magazines. They were talking about how the line for enrollment is taking too long and their conversation goes like this:

Guy 1: It’s so matagal the pila here pare ne?

Guy2: Yeah and it’s like already lunch time na.

And so this is how they speak here. I mused. It’s like parang they are all rich ha, my thought bubble goes. I was just eavesdropping on their conversation when the guy turned to me.

“Hi Miss, what time is it?”

I was startled. Oh.my.gash. They’re talking to me. These two angels infront of me are looking at me waiting for me to answer the billion dollar question – what. time. is. it. The world turned into slow motion. The flirty version of myself flashed my close up smile, tucked my hair into my ear, looked at my watch and said : “It’s like parang 11 am na” The guy said “Thanks. It’s so matagal the line no? By the way I’m Dan and this is my friend Mark and you are?”

“I’m Patricia. But you can kul me Pat”. Uh-oh. What did I just say? My brain gone wild the moment I said that. Kul? Like you know...cool, I meant call. The one word ruined the perfect moment. I wanted the ground to swallow me alive. I turned not just red but maroon out of embarrassment. I excused myself and turned my back from them and started walking. The guy called out to me and said “Hey Pat. You have putik on your legs”. I turned around to look and said “Oh this one? It’s called birthmark. You know balat. Thanks anyway so if you may excuse me. I need to go to the restroom.” I started walking again and surprisingly, my flat-footedness striked at the most inappropriate time. I don't know what happened to my ankle but I tripped. Can I get any luckier than that?! Haaaay.

Flaws. Imperfections. Blemishes. Weaknesses. Deficiencies. Defect.  Whatever you call it. It sounded so negative. That event in my life made me realize my imperfections - I have mishaps in my sentences, I'm sporting a weird spot on my legs, I'm flat-footed... in short, I AM SO IMPERFECT. You see, for me, it was an almost perfect moment but my imperfections got into the way.

According to Websters dictionary, flaw is a weakness that invalidates. I define it as something that I don't want but I can't help it I have it. Everybody has their own set of imperfections. There are little and big things about each and everyone of us that could easily become perceived a "flaw" and if we allow ourselves to think that it is actually one, sure enough we'll live a life trying to mask it. Whether it's physical, emotional, social or even spiritual, there's always something that would always be a cause of insecurity. The challenge for us is to adapt a more positive approach towards it, to wear it proud instead of hiding it. Nobody is perfect so why fuss about our own imperfections. One thing that I've learned in my life is to be always grateful of who I am. But that doesn't mean that I have to be complacent. That's the good thing about flaws and imperfections, there's always a room for improvement.

I for example, just like anyone of you, have some shares of physical and character flaws that I can't count on my fingers. There are flaws that I cannot anymore change and there are some more that I can. I'm sometimes lazy, stubborn, fickle, impatient and annoying. The challenge for me is to accept and acknowledge that I have these character flaws and knowing that, that's when improvement begins. I always challenge myself to become a better person, not for anyone else, but for myself. It's hard because it's not an overnight process. I can't just say to myself  "Okay Patty, starting today, you don't have to be lazy, stubborn, fickle, impatient and annoying." and boom the next morning I am not. But once you have the drive to be better, it will be a lot easier.

For the physical flaws, like this annoying birthmark on my legs, the only thing I can do is to just accept it. It's something that I have even when I was young. Acceptance is the key if you can't change a thing. Ayan na eh.   There's nothing I cannot do about it. When you can't change something, just change your attitude towards it. Admittedly, it will be hard at first. But once you got over it, you'll live a happier life. Of course, there will be times when people will rub into your face your imperfections. I remember when I was younger, a lot of people would ask what this is. It made me insecure at first but will I allow this teeny-weeny part of my body define who I am? Certainly not. So I just dismissed it. Today when someone would ask me what this weird thing is I'll just say "Oh this one? When I was younger, a big fly landed on my legs and I spat it. Sadly, it died on my legs." If other people can't accept you because of your flaws, then it's not your problem anymore. Of course I have a host of other physical "flaws" from my small height, to small nose and loads more in between. But these are the things that make me - ME and make me wonderfully made by God. I know there really is a pressure to live up to certain standards mandated by society but the best thing we can do is to love ourselves regardless of our flaws. If we can change it, then go ahead. If not, change our attitude.

Perfection doesn't equate to happiness. I'm perfectly imperfect.  I'm so grateful for my imperfections because these flaws make me humble and I know despite this, I'm perfectly wonderful in the eyes of God.