Change

If there is one word that best describes my MBA journey, that word is “change”. When I applied for MBA exactly four years ago, I am not fully aware of what I am getting myself into. All I know is that I wanted to take a graduate course. I was just healing my broken heart then. Just what I have said in my previous post, my reasons for taking MBA were silly albeit fathomable. I wanted to keep myself busy. I was in my confused state and I don’t know where to begin.

One of my closest guy friend actually gave me the idea. I came to him to pour my heart out. During that time, he’s taking his MBA at UP (my alma mater as well). He nonchalantly told me, “Alam mo, bored ka diba? Bakit di ka na lang mag-aral kesa yung nagiiyak ka dyan?” (That’s how brutally frank he is. Lol) I realized it’s a brilliant idea. I’ve been wanting to go back to school but I have no reasons nor motivation not until I had my heart broken.

I actually wanted to study in UP but after much deliberation, I figured out that studying in UP is not practical because my work is in Makati and UP is in QC. I wanted to try ADMU (It was my dream school since I was in college but the guy who broke my heart was from ADMU, hence, I don’t even bother to apply there. Lol. I know I’m silly.) So I chose to be green rather than be blue (literally and figuratively haha).

Fast forward to the time I finally stepped on DLSU school grounds, I was like a giddy kid. I realized I missed studying. More than that, I missed my old self – the Patricia who is always eager to learn and who loves trying out new things. I lost myself in the process (when I let my heart do the thinking) and I have forgotten how to love myself then. I was in my lowest point of my life and it did not help that somebody made me feel inferior. Studying made me realize that indeed, life has more to offer. I lost the one I loved but I found something greater.

Studying in La Salle is so different from UP. First, I never experienced having to fall in line during the enrollment. Back in college, I have to wait for hours just to enroll for one subject. In La Salle, I was enrolled in a matter of minutes. Also, we were spoon-fed with information. Not that I am complaining though, it was just that I am used to self-study. I learned a lot from my professors and from my classmates. There came a point where I enjoyed being in school rather than being at work. Having to pay for my own tuition also made a difference. I learned the value of money. I would actually get irritated when classes were cancelled and when our professor would dismiss the class early.

In graduate school, things were different. In college, I would compete with my classmates (well, not really, I was not really grade conscious then hehe). But in graduate school, I would compete with myself. I have to make the most out of everything because I needed to get my money’s worth. I remember having to take 5 additional subjects because my undergrad course is not business. I felt that it was a waste of time and money. But in doing so, I met a lot of wonderful people and I learned a lot.

There were also times that I get distracted and felt too tired to continue. In three years, I changed jobs. With that, my workload became heavier and sometimes most of the time, my work schedule would be in conflict with school. I would think “What the heck, so what if I acquired that 3-letter word? What’s the point of having to tire myself?” Friends would tell me that they were amazed on how I manage to juggle work, school, love life, family time, business and lakwatsa. I honestly don’t know how I was able to pull that off. There were times that I wanted to give up and I envy my friends who travel to different places. I, however, cannot join them.  I cancelled two trips eventhough I already paid for the airfare (Korea and Japan) all because it coincided with my exams. Hays. There were also times that I would have to decline dinners with friends because I have to finish something for school and I would tell them “Promise, babawi ako pag graduate ko. Ang hirap ng working student eh.” These and a lot more of sacrifices (such as lack of sleep and exercise) are the things that I have to endure.

The peak of my graduate school experience was during last term. I was already having problems on how I can manage my workload and school. At the back of my mind, I really wanted to finish it. Konti na lang eh, ngayon pa ba ko bibitaw? But at the same time, I was just too tired and uninspired. With the help of my family, friends and supportive boyfriend, I continued on. 

For the past three months, I was so drained writing my thesis. I was actually surprised I was able to finish it. When our thesis adviser finally endorsed us for defense, I was overjoyed. I am closer to getting that MBA. It was so near yet so far. The week before the defense was Holy Week. I felt then that buong Holy Week ay Biyernes Santo. I locked myself in my room for days in preparation for the defense. I studied, memorized, read my paper, asked for tips from alumni and supported my co-defenders. I badly wanted to finish and to pass my defense that I only leave my room when I needed to eat and to take a bath. During Easter Sunday, I practiced to Marion my presentation.

On the day of the defense, I was the last defender. My 7 classmates who were scheduled ahead of me already passed the defense. I don’t feel pressured and nervous during that day. But what I felt was extreme exhaustion. I just wanted to get it over and done with.

The people who stayed up until 8pm just to wait for me finish my thesis defense. Love you guys! 

Luckily, I passed my defense. I was so speechless and in deep gratitude. Finally, I am done with my MBA.

Was it worth it? How did it change me?

Looking back, it was not all about getting that three-letter word. It was the journey that came with it. Did I change? Definitely. I started the journey feeling frustrated. It was during the early 2012 that I’ve never felt so alone. The world has never seemed so disheartening. I jumped into this opportunity thinking that a new environment would help me change my perspective – that being busy would help me heal my broken heart. Honestly, it did. But never did I imagine that it will bring out the best in me. I learned to love myself more and I excelled academically (something that I did not pay attention to in college because I'm more of an "extra-curricular person" lels). Along with it, a lot of opportunities opened for me – may it be on changing my career path or jobs. I actually felt that I am somewhat successful.

I now believe that the Universe indeed has its way of making up to me – in the most unlikely of times and ways. I learned to appreciate life better after being able to meet a lot of people (some of them even became my close friends) who share the same passion on learning as I am. I also had a chance to meet awesome professors that I now look up to. They inspired me to be a good Lasallian business graduate – a person who needs to have a heart in doing business. We were always reminded by our professors that an important objective of business is to help others. Moreover, I acquired knowledge I think I won’t be able to learn had I not taken up MBA. I’m indeed blessed. Thank you, Universe. Who would have thought I’d be thanking you when four years ago I was actually cursing you for putting me into a mess?

I am graduating and grad-waiting. I am ready to take yet another wonderful journey after my MBA. As I have told my friends, #thesisbeforemisis accomplished. Now, I am preparing for the M-R-S. Yay! J It will yet be another journey before that because I have yet to travel, to buy a property and to look for a job that will truly make me fulfilled and happy. And I’m almost there. Can’t wait for another three-letter word (and a surname) attached to my name. *grins*

I guess change can be exciting, eh?