Buti na lang!

This statement really made my day *rolls eyes*

"Buti na lang 'no mababait nagiging boyfriend mo... 'Di ka pa naman mabait."

Spoken by no less than my... mom. *bow* Nanay nga 'kita. Lol. Hahaha!

What is happening, world?

I am not the type who posts my political views online because I opt to discuss it face to face with someone. But I have seen/read people attack one another... and it's sad. It is so heartbreaking. It breaks my heart that hate is so mainstream nowadays. The more we try to unite/move forward, the more we fall apart... The world is divided more than ever. And I am not talking just for my country, but for the rest of the world... Ang sakit sa puso lahat ng mga nangyayari.

Everything's been toxic for the past days but hey... LIFE.GOES.ON. I can choose to sulk over it or be the change that I want to see in the world.

Last August, Marion and I won first place in our club contest -- Marion was the Champion for Evaluation & I am the Champion for Humorous Speech Contest (Funny kasi talaga ko eh. Lol). Haha! Because of that, we represented the club in the Toastmasters District Contest (yehesss level up talaga ko eh. Marion was so used representing our club in the district level while it's actually my first time as one. And oh, yun talaga #relationshipgoals namin hahaha!). 

The District contest was held two weeks before our US trip. We represented our club and guess what?! I was able to deliver the speech perfectly - I did not forget any lines and ika nga ni Marion, nagtransform daw ako. Hahaha! Ok daw pala sakin pag naprepressure ako -- I was the second to the last contestant so I have seen how good the other contestants were. I didn't actually practice my speech infront of my orgmates kasi nahihiya ako. 

Marion won 1st runner up for the Evaluation Contest while I was... the Champion for Humorous Speech Contest. Wohooo! Achievement unlocked. I am starting to believe that I'm a funny person. Lol.

with my orgmates and friends from Emperor Mandarin TM Club

As the Champion, I have to represent the District in the Division Contest. I told Marion, "Baby!! Pag nanalo uli ako, makakapunta ako ng Davao para sa Nationwide contest. Kakaririn ko to! Haha!" BUT unfortunately, the Division contest coincided with our US trip. Hay. With that, the first runner up, Myles, represented the District in the Division contest. That's life. There's always next year. Haha! Kala ko pa naman makakapag-Davao na ako (Nationwide contest will be held in Davao). Lels. Talagang inassume ko eh no na mananalo din ako sa Division contest. Hahaha! Assumera! But hey, why not? 

with my number one fan & mentor :)

Below is the copy of my speech (It was actually recycled from my "old" speeches but enhanced specifically for the contest. Hahaha!)

IMPRESSIONS

Have you ever made a good impression? Or was it a worst depression? There are moments in my life that I tried to impress people... and I failed. Miserably. Nowadays, there are only two groups of people that I try to impress aside from our honorable, smart and gorgeous judges (looks at the judges and wink at them)... Do you know who they are? *Pause* Boys! And of course, Toastmasters!

Let me talk about the first group of people who are easier to please -- Boys! I remember when I was an incoming freshmen college. I was waiting in line when two guys before me caught my attention. They were good looking and macho *flexes arms* -- you know those typical guys who i only see in commercials and magazines. They were talking about how the line for enrollment was taking too long. You know what I did? Of course, I did something I'm best at -- eavesdropping!

Guy 1: It's so matagal the line here no, pare?

Guy 2: Yeah and it's like already lunch time na.

And so... this is how they speak here...It's like they are all rich ha. I was busy listening to their conversation when the guy turned to me. I swallowed hard, bit my lip while he opened his mouth and said, *Pause*

"Hi Miss, what time is it?"

I was startled. Oh.my.gosh. They're talking to me. These two angles infront of me are looking at me, waiting for me to answer the billion dollar question -- what.time.is.it. *speak slowly* The world turned into slow motion. I suddenly head wedding bells ringing.

The flirty version of myself flashed my close up smile, tucked my hair into my ear, looked at my watch (Action: This is it, I got this) and said, "It's like parang 11 am na". The guy said, "Thanks. It's so matagal the line here no? By the way I'm Dan & this is my friend Mark."

"I'm Patricia. But you can kul (Bisaya accent of call) me Pat." Uh-oh. What did I just say? My brain gone wild the moment I said that. "I really meant call". The one word ruined the perfect moment. I wanted the ground to swallow me alive. I turned not just red but maroon out of embarrassment. I excused myself, turned my back from them and started walking. The guy called out to me and said, "Hey Pat, you have putik on your legs." I turned around to look and said, "Oh, this one? It's a benign irregularity of the skin called... balat. For your better understanding, it's birthmark. Thanks anyway so if you may excuse me, I need to go to the restroom." *Pause* You know what happened when I was only a meter away from the? I tripped and kissed the floor. (Walks then trips)

Can I get any luckier than that? What a way to make a first impression! It turned out those guys were my blockmates and they became my boy friends. BOY space FRIENDS (emphasize). Because apparently, they were boyfriends. I fell down on our first meeting, but I stood tall in our class until we graduated. But I still fell short of my accent and pronunciation. (Looks sad).

So in 2011, I finally decided to work on my tongue by joining Toastmasters. My! I never knew people here are even harder to please. Just look at those faces (Points at the audience). Here, I met some of the most critical people especially in the field of grammar and they weren't impressed with me! I also got to know a lot of great speakers and I learned a lot from them. I was mentored until I knew the elements of public speaking little by little. I even enjoy ordering my meal at Jollibee in PREP (point,reason, explain, point) pattern -- *stop then act like ordering something* I'll order Jolly spaghetti please because that's my childhood favorite. You know, when I was a kid, my mom would cook it for me so let me have a Jolly spaghetti please.

As I progressed in my speeches, learning to use my body (sexy pose) and my voice (sing) when I talked, I gained confidence and earned friends without the thought of impressing them. It came out naturally and in fact, somebody in Toastmasters was so impressed that he became my boyfriend (Looks at Marion and wink).

Fellow Toastmasters, we don't need to please anyone except ourselves. Work on your insecurity by self improvement then before knowing it, you have already radiated a good energy to everyone that you get to impress them without knowing it. Although you never get a second chance to make a first good impression, you'll always have a second chance to make a BETTER and lasting impression.

True Story

ctto

Journey to Misis Part 1

I’ve been engaged for more two months now. I haven’t really started seriously planning about my wedding. Don’t get me wrong. I am very excited to get married. What I’m not so excited about are the expenses that come along with it. Haha! I am a very practical person and if only I can skip the wedding ceremony and jump to the married life instead, I would. See? We went on a US honeymoon after we got engaged so I guess we’d keep it at that. Loljk. It’s not our honeymoon yet.

Anyway, fiancé and I have decided to attend a wedding fair last month because we realized that we haven’t started planning yet *insert panic face here* and we need to scout for suppliers. I don’t want to turn into a bridezilla but I don’t want to be a super bridechilla as well. I wanted to be someone in between this only once in a lifetime event (unless of course for others who opted to get married again which I definitely don’t plan to! I’m sticking with my forever).

When we went to a wedding fair, we got so overwhelmed with the information. Heck! I cannot even enjoy looking around the booths without someone giving me flyers (and worse, someone will start talking about the company’s services nonstop!). This may be exaggerated but every time I take a step, somebody will give me a flyer. Gaaah! So we ended up not enjoying the fair. Can’t we just look around without being bugged around??

In the end, we already have ideas for our invitations. Lol. At least, we got something from the fair. Honestly, being a girl is hard – I cannot chose from purple, violet, mauve, lavender! To a guy, it’s just violet. Okay, I’m not really sure if that’s the motif that I want. Ack! We still haven’t decided on the date yet. Hay. So we left the fair without progress.

If I’m stressed during the wedding fair, fiancé is more stressed than I am. Haha! He was actually the one who told me (after roaming around the different booths for an hour) “Tara baby, pahinga muna tayo. Hindi ba sumasakit ulo mo sa dami nila?” Wahaha!

So we went to Krispy Kreme (apparently that’s the only establishment that is not crowded) and ate donuts. We need sugar or else we will both faint. After that, he asked me if we can go to an appliance store! After getting loaded with all the information about weddings, fiancé have decided to buy a refrigerator for our future home. Hahaha! I really think we got our priorities right.

Some tips (I made for myself lol)
1.  First, decide on the date of your wedding and how you wanted your wedding to look like so you’ll not be overwhelmed when you attend a wedding fair. Once you already know what you want, everything would be a lot easier (or not?).
2. Don’t be pressured. Enjoy the process of planning the whole affair. Weddings should be fun and you don’t want to remember it as something that you are so stressed about.
3. Budget. Budget. Budget

      4. Pray. Pray that God will give you wisdom as you narrow down your choices.

CTRL+Z

From my Drafts - written two years ago but decided to post it anyway:

I wish life has this keyboard function. It would be better to erase past mistakes and live as if it didn't happen at all. You will never experience being hurt and hurting someone. I have actually thought life would be perfect then. If only...

However, having the power to undo things will rob you off the lessons you could have learned from the experience. Imagine yourself hurting someone -- if you have the power to undo, you just use it and voila! It was as if the person you have hurt was not hurt at all. You'll never feel guilty and be filled with remorse. However, you may also have the tendency to do it again because anyway you can undo it.

I remember I have hurt someone it the past. It was so bad. I am so bad. Actually bad is an understatement. I would give up anything to undo what I did. But, what is done is done. That event in my life made me realize the most important thing in life - you make mistakes but that doesn't define you as person. If I were able to undo the things I have done, I would have lost the lessons. I learned from that experience and vow never to repeat it again. I also apologized to the person I've hurt. It took me a lot of guts to actually ask the person to talk to me. I wanted to apologized to him personally. Although it took me years before I said my sorry, I did it anyway. We finally laid the issue to rest. I guess saying sorry is the best thing I ever did. 

I can say that person's over me now and I couldn't be more happier. 

The Ring

Okay. This is not supposed to be a horror story (but it's near Halloween anyway, so the title is so apt lol). WAIT. This is actually A HORROR STORY (somehow). Haha!

I am never a fan of jewelry. Not that I don't like it. It's just that if I own one, then good. But if I don't have one, then I am still okay. Aside from the gold/white gold/ silver earrings that my mother gave me (and the fashion necklace that I have if you count that), I don't really own any jewelry... until I got engaged. And I said to myself, what the hell was I thinking... Ang saya pala ng may alahas! LOL. JOKE! Anyway, an engagement ring is not any "normal" jewelry. It is something that a man actually worked hard for (well, I guess it's an exception if a man is actually a billionaire - he can easily buy even the most expensive engagement ring). For me, this ring is very special because it is given by my one great love (and I know he actually worked hard in order to buy it.)

Months before I got engaged, Marion and I went to a bridal fair...dahil gusto namin mag food tasting. Hahaha! During the bridal fair, we went to a wedding ring/engagement ring booth. Mygulay! Ang mahal naman pala ng mga singsing! I tried a ring and the saleslady measured the size of my fingers to which she commented, "Ma'am ang liit naman ng daliri mo". I really think Marion intentionally led me to that booth in order for him to get the size of my ring finger subtly. Unfortunately, I think over time, I lost some weight (AKALAIN MO PUMAPAYAT PA KO! HAHA!). So my engagement ring is somewhat loose. But I think it's okay -- some of my friends who already gave birth told me that the ring will eventually fit my finger once I gave birth. As if cursing me, "Tataba ka rin! Kala mo!" (said bitterly by my friends hahaha! Hirap din kaya magpataba huhu!)

This ring has brought so much kilig in my life. Whenever I am stressed out, I'll just look at it and stare at its sparkle. When I was newly engaged, my friends would take a look at my ring and sabay sabay mag awwww. Haha! The ring is just simple and classic just what I wanted it to be. Since I am not used to wearing real jewelry, I am actually very cautious because I know am quite clumsy and I fear that I might chip the diamond (OK OA I knooow haha!) or worse, lose it.

When we went to the US to attend my HS bestfriend's wedding, my friend told me that it is quite normal in the US to hear stories of men losing their wedding rings. Whut? For real? Like me, my friend is actually afraid that she'll lose her engagement ring as well. After the wedding ceremony, there's a dance party at the beach (apparently, Americans love to dance. Dancing is their counterpart to Filipino's love for karaoke). Marion and I are game for it! (We actually made a promise to each other that we will join a dance class para pag sa kasal na namin, magtugma ang mga paa namin hahaha!) So we joined the crowd in their dancing and we actually enjoyed it!

Dancing with the Americans lol

We even got low low low haha!

We eventually got the hang of it (shempre sa una, mahiyain kami) and after several dances, bigay todo na kami. In one of the dance numbers, I don't know what happened but in a blink of an eye... my ring, yes, MY ENGAGEMENT RING, MY PRECIOUS ENGAGEMENT RING slipped out of my finger!!!! I saw how it happened i slow motion -- I saw it fly out of my finger and I heard a small clicked as it landed on the dance floor. Only that, I did not see where it landed! I was stunned and my brain got really wild. Thoughts like "oh no baka mawasiwas sa buhangin", "shet baka malubog sa buhangin" came. I felt helpless and panic struck me.

I whispered to Marion, "Baby nalaglag singsing ko" to which he just looked at me blankly. Calmly, he told me to just dance and we will look for it after the dance number (and the song is barely at the last part - halos kakasimula pa lang ng kanta huhuhu) I CANNOT CONCENTRATE. I JUST CAN'T. Imagine, I was just recently engaged and I week after I lost my engagement ring. Que horror! But the show must go on, and I continued to dance. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life.

Dancing and looking for the lost ring at the same time 

After the dance, thank God the DJ has not played any song yet. As soon as the crowd dispersed, Marion and I started looking for the ring. My friend Earl and some of her friends (who we got to know at the party) asked us what we are looking for. I awkwardly told them that my ring flew out of my fingers. Btw, Earl told her friends that we just got engaged when we arrived at Florida so it is extremely embarrassing that I lost my ring in such a span of time. Hahaha! Earl and the guests are actually very nice -- they all helped me look for my ring. In the end, it was Dustin (the groom) who found the ring. Thank God!!! I was actually teary-eyed already because I was losing hope that we will find it --  the lights are dim and I was actually afraid that it got swept off in the sand.

The guests were actually teasing us after the ring was found.  Marion should have insured the ring.

In the picture below, I am not actually kilig over what Marion was saying. Hahaha! I was actually teasing him if he'll buy me another ring if we were not able to find it. Lol. Also, I told him "Parang di ka naman nagpanic nung sinabi ko na nawawala singsing ko" to which he replied, "Baby, ano gusto mo...habang sumasayaw bigla tayong gumapang para maghanap. Eps. May sarili lang tayong dance moves ganon?" Hahaha! On point.

"Baby bibilan mo ba ko uli ng singsing?"

And oh, can you guess what were dancing during the time I lost my ring? MACARENA! Jusko, lumang kanta pa. Hahaha! I'll never gonna dance macarena again. 

Time and again, I've been asked by my friends on love and how I've managed to move on from shitty heartbreaks. My friends tell me I move on too easily. I beg to disagree! Hindi kayaaaa. Believe it or not, it takes me months (or even years) before I can move on. The time it takes me to heal my broken heart depends on the person I'm trying to forget -- if that person is really an A-hole, I guess, it would only take me months to move on. Wtf no?! Bat naman siya mamamalagi sa isip ko ng matagal?! Di deserving! Lol. Besides, naniniwala ko sa kasabihan na kung hindi ako ang para sayo, kawawa ka naman. Hahaha!

Seriously, I think I've mastered the art of moving on. I guess my heart just learned how to cope with the pain. OR NOT. Because every heartbreak is different, every person who broke my heart has his own way of hurting me. And I just don't have any choice... but to move on. You know what is the hardest part? Broken friendships. Hay. I actually can be friends with the person who broke my heart but I just don't know how to act on it. Honestly. 

One thing is for sure, every heartbreak made me a better person. It also made me realize how I wanted to be treated in the future -- I now know that I deserve an exceptional love. I guess that's why God blessed me by giving me Marion. The best deserves the best, right? Hihi.

My Engagement Story

A week from now, Marion and I will be celebrating our first engagemonthsary (ok I just made up that word – but hey, you got it right?). I have been asked time and again on how did “it” happen but only some of my closest friends know the story. I really haven’t got the time to tell the story because for the past weeks, I have been busy traveling with... no one else but my fiancé (Ahhh I should get used to calling him fiancé hihi).

Once and for all, I’ll write about it so I’ll never have to tell the story again and again. I’ll just let people read my blog. (But oh, I like love telling that story… so I guess this one is written just to document the event teehee)

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t really expecting it. We talk about getting married, having kids and all that BUT as to expecting him to propose this early never came to my mind. I know #thesisbeforemisis has been accomplished so I should be guessing that engagement is now around the corner. But whenever we talk, I tell Marion that I am NOT pressuring him or whatsoever. We got forever so there’s no need to rush. Plus, we just bought a property (which we plan to be our love nest after we get married) and we have an upcoming tripS which cost us a lot SO understandably, he will be needing some time before he can buy that ring. Gastos talaga eh! Yun yon. Haha!  

Anyway, three weeks before our US trip, I was telling him engagement stories of my friends (In all honesty, cross my heart, swear I die, I AM NOT HINTING NOR IMPLYING that he pop the question soon. Haha! I am just being my normal makwento self). Two of my closest friends got engaged abroad – one of them is actually in the US and her then-boyfriend-now-fiance went to US and popped the question. Another one is our dentist who got engaged in Japan. So, I told Marion AND I AM JUST JOKING HIM I SWEAR WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS (Haha! Pardon my all caps. I am not guilty. I am just making sure that I send my message across lol). One of our Toastmaster friends also recently proposed to his girlfriend in Singapore.

Baby lahat ng tao sa abroad nagpropropose at na-e-engage. I think uso siya no? Sooooo… Sa US kaba magpropose? Let me know para prepared ako at nakapagpa-manicure ako ah.

(HAHAHA! Yun talaga concern ko eh no? Hahaha! See? It was because I was just joking him). I think he was shocked with what I was saying so he slapped my hands. As in not the pa-cute-onting-hampas type but a hard whack. So I teased him more:

Hahaha! Aray. Why baby? Nabuking ba kita? So dun nga? Hahaha!

I SWEAR I WAS JUST TEASING HIM. Little did I know that he took my joke a bit seriously. I later found out that because of that remark, he wanted to do the proposal before our US trip so that I will be surprised with the gesture. He thought I will not be that surprised if he do it in the US. And so he planned to do it before we leave.

So what happened?

August 26. Friday.

Jacques and I slept at Teacher Tess’ (our Kumon instructor) house because it was her birthday week (and Teacher Arlene too) and we wanted to surprise them. We have a Toastmasters meeting the day after (Saturday) and I promised Marion that I will just wake up early in order to be able to attend the meeting on time.

During our stay at Teacher Tess’ house, Jacques was joking T.Tess “Cher, may sasabihin si Patty sa inyo... Ikakasal na daw siya”. Haha! To which our teacher will just roll her eyes and say “Enjoy niyo muna pagiging single.” Lol. I really think she thinks we are still little kids.

Marion told me that he will be delivering a speech the next day and he needs someone because his speech contains dialogue. So, he needed me to be there. He told me that there will be a script so there is no need for me to memorize what I’m going to say.

August 27. Saturday

I woke up really early. But Jacques, Teachers Tess and Arlene are still sleeping at around 8AM. I need to leave at 8:30AM if I want to be at the Toastmasters venue in QC by 10AM. However, I am uncomfortable waking them up so I just waited for them. It will be disrespectful if I just leave the house without saying my goodbye. At around past 8AM, they finally woke up and we had breakfast. We finished breakfast by 9:30AM and I knew then that I am going to be late (Oh no. Marion will really be annoyed, I thought to myself).

I was supposed to drop by our house first to change my clothes because I am only wearing a pambahay – a short and a large t-shirt. But then I was really running late so while driving, I was debating with myself whether I will just go straight to QC and be in my pambahay (Anyway, there is no dress code in Toastmasters) OR go home and change clothes FAST! In the end, I went home to change. My mother also texted me, “Tricia, san ka na? Uwi ka ba muna sa bahay bago ka mag Toastmasters?”

As soon as I got home, I changed my top – I am not the type to wear t-shirt so I put on my blouse. So I was wearing a blouse, shorts and sandals which is quite okay BUT on my way out, my mother asked me “Tricia, yan lang suot mo?” “Oo bakit? Sabado naman. Sa Toastmasters lang naman ako pupunta.” (Did she expect me to wear blazer and heels?? Haha!) “Palitan mo damit mo”. I was kind of irritated because I am already late and Marion called me asking where I was. My tita told me “Tricia magpalit ka nga. Eto oh, nilabas ko tong damit mo na to. Tagal mo ng di nagagamit yan”. Frustrated, I finally heeded and changed my outfit.

So I left the house, drove as fast as I can but the traffic was so FREAKING BAD, I was able to put on my make-up while driving.

I arrived at the venue an hour late. But it was okay, because it was not yet Marion’s turn for his speech. On my way I was actually contemplating, “Di naman siya siguro magagalit no? Pag iba na lang kinuha nya na ka-dialogue nya.” Little did I know that his proposal will be ruined if I won’t able to make it.

He gave me a script. He is already doing his advanced speeches and his speech project is about Advance Speech Project 2 of the Public Relations Manual - The Radio Talk Show. So we were in a talk show host, I am the DJ and he is the guest. I will ask him questions and he is portraying himself as a Sales Trainer for Toyota. In the script, I asked him questions such as “How is your life as sales trainer?” etc. Everything was normal…until we are nearing the end of the speech. At the end of the script, there is a note that says “AUDIENCE WILL ASK QUESTIONS. QUESTIONS ARE ALREADY PREDETERMINED”.

So I said to Marion “Our listeners will now ask questions for you”. I am waiting for them to ask questions (because hey, I thought questions are already given to them but the audience remain unresponsive) and Marion was blabbering things that were not really in the script.

AND THEN… as we are about to end our speech, my mother, followed by my brother and father, entered the venue. My eyes popped when I saw them and I thought, “Huh? What are they doing here?” I was really confused and I can’t fully remember clearly what was happening. I saw Marion’s family as well and upon seeing them, I already knew...

All eyes were on us and people started holding their phones/cameras. My ears went cold and I thought “HOMAYGASH is this is it?!?!?!” I looked at Marion who said to me

“As a token of appreciation for having me as guest in your show, let me present you a token of appreciation”

A few more words after, he got down on one knee. Possible out of nervousness, he was sweating profusely as he stuttered and asked

“Will you be my... wife?”

Of course I said YES!!!

That’s my engagement story. Honestly, I am so overwhelmed with the turn of events. My friends were cheering for us. Being overwhelmed is an understatement. Really. I am so happy, ecstatic, full of bliss… yeah, I was in cloud nine. So this is the feeling of being asked for marriage.

I realized there are a lot of people who were actually happy for us! The moment I posted an engagement picture, there are some friends who called, texted, Viber-ed me and they are really excited for us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing the excitement.

Looking back, I now know why my mother asked whether I am dropping by the house before I go to Toastmasters meeting on that fateful day.

Little by little, everything makes perfect sense:

My mother asked whether I am dropping by the house before I go to Toastmasters meeting – She wanted to be sure that I am in the venue first before they go. Imagine, dahil late ako, muntik ko pa sila mabuking if nauna sila sakin sa venue.

My mother and tita forcing me to change my outfit. Haha! I will be angry at them if they did not insist that I change! I will be looking less appropriate on my engagement day. (On the sidenote, one of my friends told me, “Akala namin nung una alam mo na magpropropose si Marion. Ayos na ayos ka eh.” Thank God for bad traffic – Nakapag-ayos ako! Haha!)

A week before the day, my tita and I went to the parlor for haircut. She insisted that I have my nails done. I was actually hesitant and told her that I’ll be having my nails done a week before my US trip para di humaba agad at maganda kuko ko sa US. She asserted that I have it manicured because she already knew then that Marion is going to propose (Marion asked for my family’s blessing a week before when I was in a company event)

Mother was suddenly interested with Toastmasters and days before, she was asking me where we hold our venue, what time etc.

The proposal did not happened abroad and I wouldn’t care. Whether he asked me in a fastfood establishment (which he jokes before para daw masusurprise talaga ko) or at the top of San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge, what matters is that it is him who popped the question. I think I wouldn’t find anyone as sincere and as wonderful man as him. I am one lucky girl.

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These exclamation points are not enough though. I'm still high!!!

OH YEAH!!!
Finally, after n months of not being able to write in this blog (actually it was only a month since I last blogged but then I have so many backlogs to do!!!), I am back!
This was the first time (after n days) I was able to sit down...and do nothing! I am soooooo happy. I couldn't contain my happiness! Ever since I graduated, I have become busier (which is really ironic). Hay. Anyway, I have to write about a lot of things. But for today, let this picture do the talking. I hope this will do for now because I am really really sleepy and I need to take a power nap... (sidenote: so as I was about to type that I needed to take a power nap, someone just called my phone and surprise!!! I can't take a power nap anymore because I'm needed in ten minutes. Hays). I have to end this one for now... Hello Day 1 of what seems eternity 3 days! I can do this. (Luh... Like I've been a survivor for almost 730 days now teeeheee)

Lost

This is my favorite picture of us during my MBA graduation. Marion used the picture as his FB cover photo and what was funny is that his friends starting teasing him because of his... phone case! Lol. Below is the snapshot:

Two years ago, I gave him a belt on his birthday. Up to this day, he has not used that belt because of the freaking phone case. According to my boyfriend, masyadong malaki yung belt at di niya masuot ang phone case niya!!! Naloka ko! Anyway, okay fine. I told him to change his phone case dahil di na uso yung ganun. But the OC in him of course does not want to! According to him, he might lose his phone if the case is not attached to his belt. Okay, so I gave up. But once in a while, I tease him tatapon ko na 'tong case mo, just wait and see. Lol.

So last night, while he is busy with his phone, I saw his phone case again. I jokingly told him, "Hay naku baby... eto na naman tong case mo. Haha! Pag gising mo bukas naitapon ko na to."
"Eh baby... ok lang yan. Kasi kesa mawala phone ko. At least nakakabit sa belt. Kesa yung nasa bulsa ko, baka mahulog"
Me: "Wow ah. Mahuhulog talaga?"
He demonstrated me an example using his phone
Marion: "Baby. Isipin mo dati... Yung phone ko ganito lang kaliit. Kalahati lang netong phone ko ngayon yung size. Pero nawala pa kasi sa bulsa nakalagay."
Me: "Huh? Bakit? San nawala?"
Marion: "Nilagay ko sa bulsa ko...tapos baby... butas pala yung bulsa ko..."
So I started laughing hysterically.
Me: "Hahahaha! Eh baby. Jusko butas naman pala kasi yung bulsa mo. Talagang mawawala yun. Ilagay daw ba sa butas na bulsa ang phone. Anong tawag dun?
I was waiting for him to answer "katangahan" but then...
Marion: *said in full conviction* Lost...
Hahaha! I almost died laughing. My boyfriend is so witty! Onganaman. Lost nga naman tawag dun. Hays.

I Wonder What Would Have Happened If We Had Been Just Friends by Lacey Ramburger

I wonder what would happen if we had just stayed friends.

Every thing has a time and a season. Some things are meant to last, and some things just don’t. It’s a simple, but sometimes difficult, fact of life we must accept. Yet at one point in time, you were really important to me. You were someone I looked forward to talking, sharing interests, and having conversations with. Time and circumstances changed the amount we are now involved in each others lives, and it’s probably for the best, right?

Sometimes I just wonder what would have happened if we had stayed friends instead.

Rather than following the infatuation that comes along with crushes and thoughts of what your mouth tasted like, if we had just focused more on who each other was.

We had some of that, I think. In the back of my mind I still recall memories of things you told me about yourself, and they are brought to mind every now and again. I hear certain songs from artists you recommended I listen to, and I just want to talk to somebody about how incredible they are. I want to message you and skip the small talk, the “how’ve you been?” and “how’s it going?” and just jump straight into the deep moments currently taking place. I wish we still had that bond, because you were so fascinating to me. I didn’t love you; honestly I never had the opportunity. I don’t really look back at you as an honest heartbreak-maybe more like a bruise. It can sting when I think about how things ended so vaguely and open ended. The kind of ending that means reaching out and trying to build a friendship shouldn’t be awkward or insane.

Yet I can’t seem to manage to catch up with you the way I want to. Sometimes I’m brave. Sometimes I’m able to have a short conversation with you. Yet all the anxiety, all of the thoughts of “Does he honestly want to have a conversation? Or is he just being nice?” and the worries about what you must think, of this girl from the past trying to talk to you like I just saw you yesterday. When honestly, I can’t even recall the last time I laid eyes on you.

I feel like reaching out to you again would give off the wrong idea though. I’m not wanting to fall back into your arms again. I’m not wanting to find your mouth at 2 a.m again.

We had our time, and it was great. It’s something I remember. I just don’t want that aspect of us anymore.

I simply wonder what would have happened if the connection we built had been based more on being open and having intentional conversations instead of flirtations that fizzled out and promises that didn’t come through. I wonder if we would be friends even now, in each others corner and part of each other’s lives, rather than a memory documented in an old photo album or words in a worn out journal, closed and stored away only to be flipped through occasionally.

Part of me wants to type out that message, be the one to reach out, be the one who isn’t afraid of what it looks like or how it appears. To be bold and brave. Yet I won’t in the end. I’ll just keep up with you by word of mouth of our friends and see your life through highlights on timelines.

Because we had our time. We didn’t choose that path, so despite the fact that maybe in some other alternate universe we could’ve had a friendship that defied the odds, we live in this universe. We live here, and we live with the results.

So we live without each other, and we will be okay.

Correlation does not imply causation.

Since the start of the campaign period, I never made an election related post. I keep my bets to myself. It is not that I am ashamed of my choices but it's just that I believe that we just need to respect each others' decision. Afterall, we are in a democratic country. I have seen friends quarrel over social media and I feel bad for them. I know, just like me, they are just passionate for our country. Who wouldn't be? Whenever I travel abroad, I feel bad for our own country. Thoughts like "Buti pa sa ibang bansa..." "Ang ganda dito, bakit sa Pinas.." etc. haunted me. I am somewhat ashamed that I am a Filipino. There came a point that I asked Marion that we migrate to Canada or Australia..wherever. I told him I don't want our children to grow up in this country.

But at the end of the day, I still love being here. I still love being a Filipino.

Yesterday, we elected our leaders. In few moments time, we will now have a new set of new leaders. I am hopeful. As the saying goes, "Habang may buhay may pagasa, right?" I've been wanting change for a long time -- Being a commuter, I have experienced first hand on how bad worst our public transport is. Owning a car and driving along C3, I have seen a lot of fellow Filipinos living in slum areas. It breaks my heart. 

I do hope that we can all be the change that we wanted to see in this world. 

I'll be praying for our country. I'll be praying for our next leaders. Mabuhay ang Pilipinas.

Read this somewhere: A country like ours is no easy country to handle.
May God bless the Philippines. :) I won't lose hope in this country. :)

On the sidenote, the 2016 Elections brought out the best and beast of us.

Fed Up

Lately, I stay away from browsing my Facebook newsfeed because I am already fed up (newsfedup na sya for me lol harhar) of people fighting. It is sad to see (and read) comments that trash talk each others' candidate. Yeah, it is good to know that people are active and concerned about the country's welfare but then do we really have to say bad thing towards each other especially if we don't see eye to eye politically? Hays. I cannot.... (even complete my sentence lol). I don't post my political views on FB. It is not that I am apathetic. I just believe politics (and religion) are sensitive topics and we just have to respect each others' opinion. When someone asks me who I will vote for, I answer. But to impose is just not my thing.

Marion and I are not rooting for the same presidential (and even vice presidential) candidates but we respect each other. At the end of the day, whoever wins, we will still have to do our own share in making this country better.

Picture Not Mine: Don't mind the name of the candidates. This just made my day..because yeah, I want to travel.

God bless the Philippines.

This.

I'm fortunate to have a boyfriend who prays for me and prays with me. I remember during our very first date, he was the one who initiated to pray before we eat. Right then and there, I knew... he is for keeps. :)

Credits to the owner of the picture

Enough bending over backwards for people who don't deserve it.

Change

If there is one word that best describes my MBA journey, that word is “change”. When I applied for MBA exactly four years ago, I am not fully aware of what I am getting myself into. All I know is that I wanted to take a graduate course. I was just healing my broken heart then. Just what I have said in my previous post, my reasons for taking MBA were silly albeit fathomable. I wanted to keep myself busy. I was in my confused state and I don’t know where to begin.

One of my closest guy friend actually gave me the idea. I came to him to pour my heart out. During that time, he’s taking his MBA at UP (my alma mater as well). He nonchalantly told me, “Alam mo, bored ka diba? Bakit di ka na lang mag-aral kesa yung nagiiyak ka dyan?” (That’s how brutally frank he is. Lol) I realized it’s a brilliant idea. I’ve been wanting to go back to school but I have no reasons nor motivation not until I had my heart broken.

I actually wanted to study in UP but after much deliberation, I figured out that studying in UP is not practical because my work is in Makati and UP is in QC. I wanted to try ADMU (It was my dream school since I was in college but the guy who broke my heart was from ADMU, hence, I don’t even bother to apply there. Lol. I know I’m silly.) So I chose to be green rather than be blue (literally and figuratively haha).

Fast forward to the time I finally stepped on DLSU school grounds, I was like a giddy kid. I realized I missed studying. More than that, I missed my old self – the Patricia who is always eager to learn and who loves trying out new things. I lost myself in the process (when I let my heart do the thinking) and I have forgotten how to love myself then. I was in my lowest point of my life and it did not help that somebody made me feel inferior. Studying made me realize that indeed, life has more to offer. I lost the one I loved but I found something greater.

Studying in La Salle is so different from UP. First, I never experienced having to fall in line during the enrollment. Back in college, I have to wait for hours just to enroll for one subject. In La Salle, I was enrolled in a matter of minutes. Also, we were spoon-fed with information. Not that I am complaining though, it was just that I am used to self-study. I learned a lot from my professors and from my classmates. There came a point where I enjoyed being in school rather than being at work. Having to pay for my own tuition also made a difference. I learned the value of money. I would actually get irritated when classes were cancelled and when our professor would dismiss the class early.

In graduate school, things were different. In college, I would compete with my classmates (well, not really, I was not really grade conscious then hehe). But in graduate school, I would compete with myself. I have to make the most out of everything because I needed to get my money’s worth. I remember having to take 5 additional subjects because my undergrad course is not business. I felt that it was a waste of time and money. But in doing so, I met a lot of wonderful people and I learned a lot.

There were also times that I get distracted and felt too tired to continue. In three years, I changed jobs. With that, my workload became heavier and sometimes most of the time, my work schedule would be in conflict with school. I would think “What the heck, so what if I acquired that 3-letter word? What’s the point of having to tire myself?” Friends would tell me that they were amazed on how I manage to juggle work, school, love life, family time, business and lakwatsa. I honestly don’t know how I was able to pull that off. There were times that I wanted to give up and I envy my friends who travel to different places. I, however, cannot join them.  I cancelled two trips eventhough I already paid for the airfare (Korea and Japan) all because it coincided with my exams. Hays. There were also times that I would have to decline dinners with friends because I have to finish something for school and I would tell them “Promise, babawi ako pag graduate ko. Ang hirap ng working student eh.” These and a lot more of sacrifices (such as lack of sleep and exercise) are the things that I have to endure.

The peak of my graduate school experience was during last term. I was already having problems on how I can manage my workload and school. At the back of my mind, I really wanted to finish it. Konti na lang eh, ngayon pa ba ko bibitaw? But at the same time, I was just too tired and uninspired. With the help of my family, friends and supportive boyfriend, I continued on. 

For the past three months, I was so drained writing my thesis. I was actually surprised I was able to finish it. When our thesis adviser finally endorsed us for defense, I was overjoyed. I am closer to getting that MBA. It was so near yet so far. The week before the defense was Holy Week. I felt then that buong Holy Week ay Biyernes Santo. I locked myself in my room for days in preparation for the defense. I studied, memorized, read my paper, asked for tips from alumni and supported my co-defenders. I badly wanted to finish and to pass my defense that I only leave my room when I needed to eat and to take a bath. During Easter Sunday, I practiced to Marion my presentation.

On the day of the defense, I was the last defender. My 7 classmates who were scheduled ahead of me already passed the defense. I don’t feel pressured and nervous during that day. But what I felt was extreme exhaustion. I just wanted to get it over and done with.

The people who stayed up until 8pm just to wait for me finish my thesis defense. Love you guys! 

Luckily, I passed my defense. I was so speechless and in deep gratitude. Finally, I am done with my MBA.

Was it worth it? How did it change me?

Looking back, it was not all about getting that three-letter word. It was the journey that came with it. Did I change? Definitely. I started the journey feeling frustrated. It was during the early 2012 that I’ve never felt so alone. The world has never seemed so disheartening. I jumped into this opportunity thinking that a new environment would help me change my perspective – that being busy would help me heal my broken heart. Honestly, it did. But never did I imagine that it will bring out the best in me. I learned to love myself more and I excelled academically (something that I did not pay attention to in college because I'm more of an "extra-curricular person" lels). Along with it, a lot of opportunities opened for me – may it be on changing my career path or jobs. I actually felt that I am somewhat successful.

I now believe that the Universe indeed has its way of making up to me – in the most unlikely of times and ways. I learned to appreciate life better after being able to meet a lot of people (some of them even became my close friends) who share the same passion on learning as I am. I also had a chance to meet awesome professors that I now look up to. They inspired me to be a good Lasallian business graduate – a person who needs to have a heart in doing business. We were always reminded by our professors that an important objective of business is to help others. Moreover, I acquired knowledge I think I won’t be able to learn had I not taken up MBA. I’m indeed blessed. Thank you, Universe. Who would have thought I’d be thanking you when four years ago I was actually cursing you for putting me into a mess?

I am graduating and grad-waiting. I am ready to take yet another wonderful journey after my MBA. As I have told my friends, #thesisbeforemisis accomplished. Now, I am preparing for the M-R-S. Yay! J It will yet be another journey before that because I have yet to travel, to buy a property and to look for a job that will truly make me fulfilled and happy. And I’m almost there. Can’t wait for another three-letter word (and a surname) attached to my name. *grins*

I guess change can be exciting, eh?

Random Acts of Love

I am a sucker for romantic guys. I love giving surprises (and being surprised as well). Marion was the type of guy who does random acts of sweetness everyday and I make sure that I tell him that I appreciate it SO MUCH.

Last week, my heart totally melted. Last Friday, I just came from my Vietnam business trip and it was his last day at Toyota. It was our mensiversary as well. I told him I'll see him on Saturday instead because my flight was delayed and I wanted to catch some sleep. On Saturday, I woke up really late. He called me to ask what time I wanted to go out and I told him that I'm still tired. He volunteered to go to our house to pick me up. By lunch time, I was still on my bed when Marion arrived at our house. He was beaming when he told me that he missed me. Awww. He even brought flowers.

This guy. Hay. How can I not fall in love with him over and over again?

P.S.
I really think I've got a good guy here. He told me how humbled he is that a lot of people went to his 3 (not just one!) despedidas. To his exact words, "Baby, alam mo ba natutuwa ako...ang saya saya ko...kasi pati security, waiter..alam mo yun.. nagyaya pa sila talaga lumabas kasama ko. Eh wala lang... Natutuwa ko na nakasama ko rin mga simpleng tao." (He was pertaining to the 2nd despedida organized by one of their guards for him.) I told him "Baby, mabait ka kasi. Kita mo... even mga guards love ka. Yung VP ng Toyota, talagang nag punta pa sa despedida mo. Ibig sabihin, mabait sila sayo kasi mabait ka rin."

Don't Quit Your Job to Chase Your Dream (Do This Instead) by Jeff Goins

Not long ago, my friend Bryan quit his corporate job working as a technical writer for a Fortune 500 company in order to do something new. 

On his last day, everyone in the office expressed a mix of envy and surprise. They couldn’t believe he was leaving, that he was making such a big jump. But the truth is Bryan had been planning this moment for 10 years.

Take a long, hard look at many of the business books on your shelf, listen to a self-help guru wax nostalgic on her own career story, or visit with an old college friend who’s done really well for himself, and you’ll likely hear the same phrase over and over: “I took the leap.”

This is the phrase we love to repeat when talking about big success. It’s a tale of risk and reward, one we hear constantly from the mouths of wealthy entrepreneurs, big-name movie stars, and successful artists. But it’s a lie.

BIG BREAKS COME SLOW

I was recently asked on a podcast how I became a full-time writer. The host wanted to know what my big break was. 

“There wasn’t one,” I said, “no big thing. Just a bunch of small things over time.” For the longest time, this embarrassed me. I had no Jerry Maguire moment, no dramatic declaration to the world that changed everything. But once I started looking more honestly at success, I realized how the slow-and-steady strategy might be more the norm than we realize.

“I had no Jerry Maguire moment, no dramatic declaration to the world that changed everything.”

In 1975, Bill Gates founded Microsoft. But it wasn’t until six years later that he landed a contract with IBM. Then, it took another five years after that for the company to go public, making Gates a multimillionaire, resulting in his so-called “overnight success.”

For Steve Jobs, it took even longer. With Steve Wozniak, he started Apple Computer in 1976 but didn’t make a splash until 1984, with the release of the Macintosh. Then there was his eventual ousting and comeback — all before his business became the global giant it is today.

A third well-known tech history, just for good measure: Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin found success slow in coming, too. They started the company in 1996, and it wasn’t until eight years later that their search engine beat past competitors, leading Google to finally go public with a market capitalization of $23 billion.

This is consistent with what researcher K. Anders Ericsson calls his theory of “deliberate practice” and the “10,000-hour rule” Malcolm Gladwell subsequently popularized. In his research, Ericsson argued that for someone to become an expert in their field, they need at least 10,000 hours of practice. In other words, before you quit your job or make your next career transition, take your time building the skills you’ll need to do that job well.

“Before you quit your job or make your next career transition, take your time building the skills you’ll need to do that job well.”

HOW BIG CHANGES GO WRONG

Yet these days — perhaps more than ever with the relentless rise of breakout tech startups and the ease of starting an online business — we’re still obsessed with the leap. 

Why? Because that seems to be what we’re seeing all around us: We assume great careers happen because one extraordinary person makes a big bet that pays off. That’s not how it actually works most of the time.

“The slow-and-steady strategy might be more the norm than we realize.”

Dr. Robert Maurer, author of One Small Step Can Change Your Life, argues that we love the idea of the big change, even to our own detriment. But this isn’t the way most innovation happens. One reason why is that our brains are hardwired to reject big change. Here’s how he explains it in an interview:

The brain responds to big challenges by triggering the amygdala, the fear center in the brain. If the challenge is perceived as too great, if the person stumbles, the fear becomes crippling and the person gives up, often with despair or self-criticism. If the steps are small, the fear mechanism is quiet, and the brain develops new habits from the repetition of small steps.

Maurer advocates using kaizen, the Japanese process of continuous, gradual improvement. Instead of trying to lose weight, work out for one minute a day, then two, then three, and so on. Over time, something small can turn into something large and sustainable. 

As Aristotle famously remarked, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” If you do something long enough — anything, really — it becomes habitual.

INSTEAD OF MAKING THE LEAP

So how can you put Maurer’s advice into practice? 

First, start small — really small. Most people think that in order to start something great, they’ve got to go big. But that’s not true. Every day, people pursuing their dreams make this mistake. They shoot for the moon without taking the first step. And as a result, they fail.

Second, build the habit over time. Everything from yoga to auto mechanics takes practice. And the more you work at it, the more effortless it will become. Habits make everything easier and each of us better.

“Habits make everything easier and each of us better.”

Finally, keep in mind that as you build the skill, you increase demand for it. And eventually, what you have is not a precarious leap but a steady bridge that you’ve slowly, deliberately constructed over time. No, it probably won’t make for a good story for Hollywood. But it’s much more likely to last.