Silence! Silence! Don’t worry fellow Toastmasters and
guests, you are not inside a library. I’m not a librarian. Today, I will
deliver my Graduation speech. I’m allowed to speak for ten minutes. But how am
I supposed to do that when my topic is about silence? Both are quite
contradicting. Before I deliver my speech, I want to make an experiment. Let me
see how long you can sit still and be quiet. Now, I want you all to close your
eyes but make sure that you don’t fall asleep. Ready? Timer starts now. STOP.
Now, you can all open your eyes. How did you feel? Isn’t it hard? Being silent
in this noisy world entails a lot of effort. We are always on the run, on the
go, on the need for action. The moment we wake up, we are already in a hurry.
That’s the way we do things – past-faced. We don’t want silence. In fact, we’re
always yearning for sounds; that is why staying still becomes hard for us. We’ve
been quiet for only a minute and yet it felt like eternity. But what if I tell
you that I’ve experienced being silent not only just for a minute, not for an
hour, not for a day – but four days? Imagine four days?! Being the hyperactive
and talkative person that I am, I cringed at the idea of not talking for four minutes.
So you could just imagine what more if it will be for days. But I tell you,
that four days of my life was one of the most meaningful experiences I’ve ever
had. Let me tell you the story.
Several months ago, I experienced one of the most heartbreaking
events in my life. The culprit? Love. That crap. I won’t elaborate on how, why
and who. During that time, I didn’t have anyone to turn to – Nope. I just chose
not to bug anyone about my predicament. I felt I could deal with it alone. But
then after some time, I realized I couldn’t do it alone. I was in my abnormal
sad self and I miss my abnormal happy self. So I then turned to the Big guy up
there. I wanted to be away from all the noise. I just wanted to be alone with
my thoughts and feelings – to be able to start all over again and to be able to
let go of all the bad memories. Attending a retreat became my option, not
because during that time Lenten season was coming, but also because I believe
it will help me solve my dilemma. I chanced upon a silent retreat in Tagaytay
after doing a quick search at Google. What excites and at the same time scares
me was I the thought of having to go there alone. So I emailed the organizer, asked
if there was still an available slot and voila! I received a reply just within
the day. After several exchange of emails, my journey began on April 4, 2012. I
went to Tagaytay alone with the help of Google maps and a lot of courage. I
know commuting all the way from Valenzuela to Tagaytay wasn’t really a big feat
but it was an amazing experience. I felt all so grown up. Fortunately, I was
able to find the place with little twists and wrong-turns along the way. Upon
arriving at Karis Retreat house, the organizers reminded us that a silent
retreat requires total silence. We were not allowed to talk to our
co-retreatants, not even look at each others’ eyes. We were even encouraged to
bow our heads while walking to avoid eye contact and unintended conversations.
The only thing that we’re allowed to do was to pray, read the Bible and rest.
That was it. A four day of silence. A four day of reflection.
I won’t elaborate on the nitty-gritty details on the things
I did when I was at the retreat house. Just to clarify, I didn’t pray 24 hours
a day. I just prayed once in a while when I felt like praying. We were not
obliged to pray, we were just encouraged to talk with God. Most of the time, I
just sat still and pondered on a lot of things. I survived the four days
without talking with anyone but God. It was a solemn experience to be able to
talk to Him without doubts and hesitations. I was able to lift to Him all my
problems and sorrow I’m feeling during that time. Surprisingly, I was able to
recover after that experience. I wasn’t really all-smiles and all-laughs after
the retreat. That would be crazy. But I was able to smile again after all the
troubles I went through. I felt I was already halfway through my healing
process. The entire experience was overwhelming and, mostly too personal for me
to share in detail. I think I won’t be able to share the teeny-weeny details of
my conversations with the Big guy, my realizations and my self-discoveries. But
what I’m more than willing to share were the things I learned during my 4-day
Silent retreat.
First of all, never underestimate the power of silence. It
is through the quietness and stillness of your heart, that you’d be able to
experience inner peace. In the hustle and bustle of life, it is important to
once in a while, stay still, be quiet and remember the Big guy up there. You
need not speak to Him because I’m sure He already knows your secret desires and
longings. During my stay at Karis, I realized a lot of things about myself and
about life. My faith strengthened and I experienced overflowing love. If I had
gone through the usual retreat with “talks” from priests or lecturers, I think things
would have been different. I would have had less opportunity to be able to
reflect on a lot of things that has been running through my mind. Being silent
gave me a chance to think clearly and to listen effectively.
Second, never be afraid to try out something new or
something different. Put it simply, do things that scare you – may it be
bungee jumping, riding a roller coaster, enrolling for a dance class on your
own, or even falling in love. Life is too short to be scared at some things.
Everyday, we are given opportunities to overcome our fears – to go beyond our
comfort zones and to do something that we are uncomfortable doing. When I
signed up for the Silent Retreat, I didn’t know what to expect. I was scared at
the thought of going at a place I’m not familiar with, scared at the thought of
getting lost, staying away from home and mingling with people I have no idea
who. I had a lot of questions before I went to Karis, and was even on the verge
of backing out and forgetting of what I initially thought was a crazy idea. I’m
glad I was able to shrug away all my doubts and fears. Doing so opened up to a
lot of opportunities for me – I was able to meet a lot of people, some of which
became my close friends, I was able to strengthen my faith and I was able to
learn from other peoples’ experience. Had I chose to stay in my comfort zone, I
would have missed that wonderful opportunity.
Lastly, I learned that when things are crappy temporarily,
it doesn’t mean they’re going to be crappy forever. It’s only temporary and it’s
for a good reason. Looking back, the only reason why I joined a retreat was because
I was broken hearted at that time. But I gained more than what I thought I
would gain from that experience. Ironically, I was thankful for the heartache
because I learned a lot from it and I became more mature enough to think of it
as an opportunity and not as a problem. I always put in my mind that God will
never give us problems that He knows we can’t handle. It’s always a test of
faith.
To end, I would like to share with you one of my favorite
quotations I read during my reflection time. Silence is something more than
just a pause. It is that enchanted place where space is cleared and time is
stayed; and the horizon itself expands. I hope you’ll enjoy silence as much as I've enjoyed it. So reflect, be still and then tell me how you'll feel.
