Disclaimer: I just reblogged this. One of my friends posted this on Facebook and I feel that I should also be reminded of this one. Sometimes we need a reminder. We need to set apart the insignificant things from the things that really matter the most in our lives and in our relationships. Oftentimes, we lose focus and neglect the things that are of utmost importance.
Love, although they say is the greatest of them all, will not sustain a relationship by itself. I’ve come up with my own list of things which are necessary for building and nurturing healthy and happy relationships. Life has a harsh way of teaching us a lesson but our own values and beliefs are formed because of it.
1. Respect
I’ve always believed that respect is not something that is asked for, it is earned. It doesn’t necessarily mean tolerance or a state of recognizing who’s in power. It just means that you treat the person as an equal and give them a great deal of consideration in all your actions. When you are with someone, this means that you acknowledge his individual qualities, values, and character. More importantly, this means understanding that you may not agree on everything and that sometimes, it’s good to just agree to disagree and leave it at that.
2. Acceptance
In relationships, the first few months may all be of bliss and infatuation but as you both go along, that’s when you get to see the imperfections of the person you once regarded as “close to perfection”. Acceptance means knowing the things you can change and cannot change.. and accepting the hard truth that a person can never change for any other person but himself. This means that even after realizing that the person you have don’t necessarily match your set of ideals, you accept him with gratitude and consider him as more than enough.
3. Pick your battles
Know when its best to argue or discuss and compromise. If it’s something you cannot change, then it’s probably best to try to read the first two things on the list before even bringing up the issue. If it’s something you can change, then talk things out and work together to reach middle ground. Yes, it requires a great deal of understanding but it will save both of you from wasting time without getting the result you want anyway.
4. Listen
In communication, no one admits to being a bad listener but come heated conversations, our ears seem to lose its proper function and we do all the talking instead. We might say that we are listening but at the back of our minds, we are already thinking of our next comeback to defend our sides. Probably one of the hardest things to do is to really listen with an open mind and extract the meaning of the conversation and why it’s being said rather than the actual words itself.
5.Forgive and Resolve
Let go of pride and the need to always be right. It doesn’t mean that you have to deny the hurt and pretend that everything’s okay- it just means that because your love is greater than that hurt, you are willing to work things out with that person. It also means that although making up might be an easier choice, you are willing to go through the harder path of solving the root of the problem. Ignoring an issue is just delaying it until you both aren’t able to take it any longer. Don’t wait for that time. I’ve always believed that disagreements can either kill a relationship or make it stronger. How well you handle these things together will determine whether it’s heading towards the former, or the latter.
6. Forget
It’s always, always good to forget the feeling of being hurt but not what it taught you. If you didn’t learn anything from it, then it means that it’s bound to hurt you again.. until you finally learn. If you dont let go of past hurt, it’ll occupy your mind and little by little, eat up all the space in your heart that could have been used for loving the person instead. When too much time is spent with hurt feelings, there is little time left for love.
7. Appreciate
The greatest form of compliment is appreciation. It may be the little things, or the occasional grand gestures of sincere kindness. Appreciating means that you are always aware of the things that made you love the person. It means that, even in times of disagreements, these things are never forgotten or set aside. It is also knowing that something is great when you have them, and not realizing it later when it’s gone. Mostly, it means never ever taking things for granted.
8. Trust
I cannot be in a relationship without 100% trust. When doubt enters a relationship, it ruins it. The moment you feel insecure about anything means that something is lacking- either self-esteem or affection. Trust that you are enough and trust that you have shown enough love to have security. You have to have complete trust that the person you’re with will never mean to hurt you. In reality, they may hurt you at some point but it will never be deliberately done. You have to trust that the relationship itself will never be destroyed because of what it is, and because of what it has.
9. Support
A major advantage of being in a relationship is knowing that there is always someone to turn to during the best and worst days. It’s knowing that someone always has your back and is willing to be there when you need them most- either celebrating a victory of mourning over defeat. A healthy relationship should help you and not hurt you. This person will not tolerate you if you’re truly wrong, but will work with you instead and make you a better version of who you were.
10. Quality Time
In this fast-paced world with people preoccupied by wealth and technology, it is important to remember that one can never have enough time, one has to make it. There will always be something to do or something to attend to. What sets apart quality time is that despite however busy you are, you are happiest whenever you are spending time with that person. It means that you regard this happiness as something that is more important than all of the other things that make up your busy schedule. It means that every time spent is never wasted because it is something that you will always enjoy and cherish. Having quality time is a proof of how important it is for you to make that person a part you no matter what. Without a doubt, the greatest gift you could ever give is your time because when you give time, you give them a part of your life as well.
They say relationships are hard work but it should never feel forced. It isn’t supposed to be that hard if you are both sincerely willing to be together and stay together. It’s only hard when you’re going through everything alone, or when you are in a wrong relationship with the wrong person to begin with. True, it’s not all bliss and butterflies- both of you will go through trying times.. but trying times are not times to stop trying because no matter how difficult it may be, you know that you have something that is worth all of it.
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