incoherent thoughts

I was looking for an inspiration when I decided to drop by Patty Laurel's blog. Her blog has always been a source of inspiration whenever I'm having bad vibes. I liked what she wrote today about the art of kindness. I'm not ALWAYS kind. I'm just SOMETIMES kind. I can be kind if I want to. But sometimes, when I'm pissed off with life, I tend to be irritable and stubborn and annoying and bad. It's hard to show kindness when the world isn't that kind to you. I always think that if something bad is happening to me, it's part of my karma because I'm not so good in the past. Knowing that, I've decided to change for the better. I always put in mind that kindness begets kindness. Goodness begets goodness. Love begets love? Hmmm, I don't think so. I'd like to think it is. I'm still not sure on that one. I've given love but then I was only disappointed with people. Maybe I expected too much of them. But oh well. I'm still not tired of giving love.

Right now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not anymore pissed off with my life. I still am. So does that mean I'll be irritable and stubborn and annoying and bad? Nah. I don't think so. It takes a lot of effort to be positive when negative things are happening to you. But I'm trying and it's always good to try.

I've made so many mistakes in my past, too many to enumerate--- think a whole yellow pad of sins and wrong-doings, that I wish I could take all back. But I can't. I have no control over what I've done in the past, but I'm blessed to have the NOW and the FUTURE in my hands. So you hit the reset button and start over. --> This is what Patty Laurel said in her blog and I can so relate. And mind you, mine wasn't just a whole yellow pad of sins, mine was a ream of legal paper, make it two reams pa! Ganun kadami! I've had issue with "past" thing and really no matter how I try to change it, I simply just can't. But I'm proud to say that I've already learned from it. I'm not proud of my past but somehow, I'm thankful for it for it made me a better person.

I'm not really making a point right now. My thoughts are all in a disaster mode but I just feel like saying all of this. I hope to be more inspired tomorrow because I've been uninspired with life lately.

So to keep me sane, I'm reading a poem by Mother Theresa.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."