The Ring

Okay. This is not supposed to be a horror story (but it's near Halloween anyway, so the title is so apt lol). WAIT. This is actually A HORROR STORY (somehow). Haha!

I am never a fan of jewelry. Not that I don't like it. It's just that if I own one, then good. But if I don't have one, then I am still okay. Aside from the gold/white gold/ silver earrings that my mother gave me (and the fashion necklace that I have if you count that), I don't really own any jewelry... until I got engaged. And I said to myself, what the hell was I thinking... Ang saya pala ng may alahas! LOL. JOKE! Anyway, an engagement ring is not any "normal" jewelry. It is something that a man actually worked hard for (well, I guess it's an exception if a man is actually a billionaire - he can easily buy even the most expensive engagement ring). For me, this ring is very special because it is given by my one great love (and I know he actually worked hard in order to buy it.)

Months before I got engaged, Marion and I went to a bridal fair...dahil gusto namin mag food tasting. Hahaha! During the bridal fair, we went to a wedding ring/engagement ring booth. Mygulay! Ang mahal naman pala ng mga singsing! I tried a ring and the saleslady measured the size of my fingers to which she commented, "Ma'am ang liit naman ng daliri mo". I really think Marion intentionally led me to that booth in order for him to get the size of my ring finger subtly. Unfortunately, I think over time, I lost some weight (AKALAIN MO PUMAPAYAT PA KO! HAHA!). So my engagement ring is somewhat loose. But I think it's okay -- some of my friends who already gave birth told me that the ring will eventually fit my finger once I gave birth. As if cursing me, "Tataba ka rin! Kala mo!" (said bitterly by my friends hahaha! Hirap din kaya magpataba huhu!)

This ring has brought so much kilig in my life. Whenever I am stressed out, I'll just look at it and stare at its sparkle. When I was newly engaged, my friends would take a look at my ring and sabay sabay mag awwww. Haha! The ring is just simple and classic just what I wanted it to be. Since I am not used to wearing real jewelry, I am actually very cautious because I know am quite clumsy and I fear that I might chip the diamond (OK OA I knooow haha!) or worse, lose it.

When we went to the US to attend my HS bestfriend's wedding, my friend told me that it is quite normal in the US to hear stories of men losing their wedding rings. Whut? For real? Like me, my friend is actually afraid that she'll lose her engagement ring as well. After the wedding ceremony, there's a dance party at the beach (apparently, Americans love to dance. Dancing is their counterpart to Filipino's love for karaoke). Marion and I are game for it! (We actually made a promise to each other that we will join a dance class para pag sa kasal na namin, magtugma ang mga paa namin hahaha!) So we joined the crowd in their dancing and we actually enjoyed it!

Dancing with the Americans lol

We even got low low low haha!

We eventually got the hang of it (shempre sa una, mahiyain kami) and after several dances, bigay todo na kami. In one of the dance numbers, I don't know what happened but in a blink of an eye... my ring, yes, MY ENGAGEMENT RING, MY PRECIOUS ENGAGEMENT RING slipped out of my finger!!!! I saw how it happened i slow motion -- I saw it fly out of my finger and I heard a small clicked as it landed on the dance floor. Only that, I did not see where it landed! I was stunned and my brain got really wild. Thoughts like "oh no baka mawasiwas sa buhangin", "shet baka malubog sa buhangin" came. I felt helpless and panic struck me.

I whispered to Marion, "Baby nalaglag singsing ko" to which he just looked at me blankly. Calmly, he told me to just dance and we will look for it after the dance number (and the song is barely at the last part - halos kakasimula pa lang ng kanta huhuhu) I CANNOT CONCENTRATE. I JUST CAN'T. Imagine, I was just recently engaged and I week after I lost my engagement ring. Que horror! But the show must go on, and I continued to dance. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life.

Dancing and looking for the lost ring at the same time 

After the dance, thank God the DJ has not played any song yet. As soon as the crowd dispersed, Marion and I started looking for the ring. My friend Earl and some of her friends (who we got to know at the party) asked us what we are looking for. I awkwardly told them that my ring flew out of my fingers. Btw, Earl told her friends that we just got engaged when we arrived at Florida so it is extremely embarrassing that I lost my ring in such a span of time. Hahaha! Earl and the guests are actually very nice -- they all helped me look for my ring. In the end, it was Dustin (the groom) who found the ring. Thank God!!! I was actually teary-eyed already because I was losing hope that we will find it --  the lights are dim and I was actually afraid that it got swept off in the sand.

The guests were actually teasing us after the ring was found.  Marion should have insured the ring.

In the picture below, I am not actually kilig over what Marion was saying. Hahaha! I was actually teasing him if he'll buy me another ring if we were not able to find it. Lol. Also, I told him "Parang di ka naman nagpanic nung sinabi ko na nawawala singsing ko" to which he replied, "Baby, ano gusto mo...habang sumasayaw bigla tayong gumapang para maghanap. Eps. May sarili lang tayong dance moves ganon?" Hahaha! On point.

"Baby bibilan mo ba ko uli ng singsing?"

And oh, can you guess what were dancing during the time I lost my ring? MACARENA! Jusko, lumang kanta pa. Hahaha! I'll never gonna dance macarena again. 

Time and again, I've been asked by my friends on love and how I've managed to move on from shitty heartbreaks. My friends tell me I move on too easily. I beg to disagree! Hindi kayaaaa. Believe it or not, it takes me months (or even years) before I can move on. The time it takes me to heal my broken heart depends on the person I'm trying to forget -- if that person is really an A-hole, I guess, it would only take me months to move on. Wtf no?! Bat naman siya mamamalagi sa isip ko ng matagal?! Di deserving! Lol. Besides, naniniwala ko sa kasabihan na kung hindi ako ang para sayo, kawawa ka naman. Hahaha!

Seriously, I think I've mastered the art of moving on. I guess my heart just learned how to cope with the pain. OR NOT. Because every heartbreak is different, every person who broke my heart has his own way of hurting me. And I just don't have any choice... but to move on. You know what is the hardest part? Broken friendships. Hay. I actually can be friends with the person who broke my heart but I just don't know how to act on it. Honestly. 

One thing is for sure, every heartbreak made me a better person. It also made me realize how I wanted to be treated in the future -- I now know that I deserve an exceptional love. I guess that's why God blessed me by giving me Marion. The best deserves the best, right? Hihi.

My Engagement Story

A week from now, Marion and I will be celebrating our first engagemonthsary (ok I just made up that word – but hey, you got it right?). I have been asked time and again on how did “it” happen but only some of my closest friends know the story. I really haven’t got the time to tell the story because for the past weeks, I have been busy traveling with... no one else but my fiancé (Ahhh I should get used to calling him fiancé hihi).

Once and for all, I’ll write about it so I’ll never have to tell the story again and again. I’ll just let people read my blog. (But oh, I like love telling that story… so I guess this one is written just to document the event teehee)

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t really expecting it. We talk about getting married, having kids and all that BUT as to expecting him to propose this early never came to my mind. I know #thesisbeforemisis has been accomplished so I should be guessing that engagement is now around the corner. But whenever we talk, I tell Marion that I am NOT pressuring him or whatsoever. We got forever so there’s no need to rush. Plus, we just bought a property (which we plan to be our love nest after we get married) and we have an upcoming tripS which cost us a lot SO understandably, he will be needing some time before he can buy that ring. Gastos talaga eh! Yun yon. Haha!  

Anyway, three weeks before our US trip, I was telling him engagement stories of my friends (In all honesty, cross my heart, swear I die, I AM NOT HINTING NOR IMPLYING that he pop the question soon. Haha! I am just being my normal makwento self). Two of my closest friends got engaged abroad – one of them is actually in the US and her then-boyfriend-now-fiance went to US and popped the question. Another one is our dentist who got engaged in Japan. So, I told Marion AND I AM JUST JOKING HIM I SWEAR WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS (Haha! Pardon my all caps. I am not guilty. I am just making sure that I send my message across lol). One of our Toastmaster friends also recently proposed to his girlfriend in Singapore.

Baby lahat ng tao sa abroad nagpropropose at na-e-engage. I think uso siya no? Sooooo… Sa US kaba magpropose? Let me know para prepared ako at nakapagpa-manicure ako ah.

(HAHAHA! Yun talaga concern ko eh no? Hahaha! See? It was because I was just joking him). I think he was shocked with what I was saying so he slapped my hands. As in not the pa-cute-onting-hampas type but a hard whack. So I teased him more:

Hahaha! Aray. Why baby? Nabuking ba kita? So dun nga? Hahaha!

I SWEAR I WAS JUST TEASING HIM. Little did I know that he took my joke a bit seriously. I later found out that because of that remark, he wanted to do the proposal before our US trip so that I will be surprised with the gesture. He thought I will not be that surprised if he do it in the US. And so he planned to do it before we leave.

So what happened?

August 26. Friday.

Jacques and I slept at Teacher Tess’ (our Kumon instructor) house because it was her birthday week (and Teacher Arlene too) and we wanted to surprise them. We have a Toastmasters meeting the day after (Saturday) and I promised Marion that I will just wake up early in order to be able to attend the meeting on time.

During our stay at Teacher Tess’ house, Jacques was joking T.Tess “Cher, may sasabihin si Patty sa inyo... Ikakasal na daw siya”. Haha! To which our teacher will just roll her eyes and say “Enjoy niyo muna pagiging single.” Lol. I really think she thinks we are still little kids.

Marion told me that he will be delivering a speech the next day and he needs someone because his speech contains dialogue. So, he needed me to be there. He told me that there will be a script so there is no need for me to memorize what I’m going to say.

August 27. Saturday

I woke up really early. But Jacques, Teachers Tess and Arlene are still sleeping at around 8AM. I need to leave at 8:30AM if I want to be at the Toastmasters venue in QC by 10AM. However, I am uncomfortable waking them up so I just waited for them. It will be disrespectful if I just leave the house without saying my goodbye. At around past 8AM, they finally woke up and we had breakfast. We finished breakfast by 9:30AM and I knew then that I am going to be late (Oh no. Marion will really be annoyed, I thought to myself).

I was supposed to drop by our house first to change my clothes because I am only wearing a pambahay – a short and a large t-shirt. But then I was really running late so while driving, I was debating with myself whether I will just go straight to QC and be in my pambahay (Anyway, there is no dress code in Toastmasters) OR go home and change clothes FAST! In the end, I went home to change. My mother also texted me, “Tricia, san ka na? Uwi ka ba muna sa bahay bago ka mag Toastmasters?”

As soon as I got home, I changed my top – I am not the type to wear t-shirt so I put on my blouse. So I was wearing a blouse, shorts and sandals which is quite okay BUT on my way out, my mother asked me “Tricia, yan lang suot mo?” “Oo bakit? Sabado naman. Sa Toastmasters lang naman ako pupunta.” (Did she expect me to wear blazer and heels?? Haha!) “Palitan mo damit mo”. I was kind of irritated because I am already late and Marion called me asking where I was. My tita told me “Tricia magpalit ka nga. Eto oh, nilabas ko tong damit mo na to. Tagal mo ng di nagagamit yan”. Frustrated, I finally heeded and changed my outfit.

So I left the house, drove as fast as I can but the traffic was so FREAKING BAD, I was able to put on my make-up while driving.

I arrived at the venue an hour late. But it was okay, because it was not yet Marion’s turn for his speech. On my way I was actually contemplating, “Di naman siya siguro magagalit no? Pag iba na lang kinuha nya na ka-dialogue nya.” Little did I know that his proposal will be ruined if I won’t able to make it.

He gave me a script. He is already doing his advanced speeches and his speech project is about Advance Speech Project 2 of the Public Relations Manual - The Radio Talk Show. So we were in a talk show host, I am the DJ and he is the guest. I will ask him questions and he is portraying himself as a Sales Trainer for Toyota. In the script, I asked him questions such as “How is your life as sales trainer?” etc. Everything was normal…until we are nearing the end of the speech. At the end of the script, there is a note that says “AUDIENCE WILL ASK QUESTIONS. QUESTIONS ARE ALREADY PREDETERMINED”.

So I said to Marion “Our listeners will now ask questions for you”. I am waiting for them to ask questions (because hey, I thought questions are already given to them but the audience remain unresponsive) and Marion was blabbering things that were not really in the script.

AND THEN… as we are about to end our speech, my mother, followed by my brother and father, entered the venue. My eyes popped when I saw them and I thought, “Huh? What are they doing here?” I was really confused and I can’t fully remember clearly what was happening. I saw Marion’s family as well and upon seeing them, I already knew...

All eyes were on us and people started holding their phones/cameras. My ears went cold and I thought “HOMAYGASH is this is it?!?!?!” I looked at Marion who said to me

“As a token of appreciation for having me as guest in your show, let me present you a token of appreciation”

A few more words after, he got down on one knee. Possible out of nervousness, he was sweating profusely as he stuttered and asked

“Will you be my... wife?”

Of course I said YES!!!

That’s my engagement story. Honestly, I am so overwhelmed with the turn of events. My friends were cheering for us. Being overwhelmed is an understatement. Really. I am so happy, ecstatic, full of bliss… yeah, I was in cloud nine. So this is the feeling of being asked for marriage.

I realized there are a lot of people who were actually happy for us! The moment I posted an engagement picture, there are some friends who called, texted, Viber-ed me and they are really excited for us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing the excitement.

Looking back, I now know why my mother asked whether I am dropping by the house before I go to Toastmasters meeting on that fateful day.

Little by little, everything makes perfect sense:

My mother asked whether I am dropping by the house before I go to Toastmasters meeting – She wanted to be sure that I am in the venue first before they go. Imagine, dahil late ako, muntik ko pa sila mabuking if nauna sila sakin sa venue.

My mother and tita forcing me to change my outfit. Haha! I will be angry at them if they did not insist that I change! I will be looking less appropriate on my engagement day. (On the sidenote, one of my friends told me, “Akala namin nung una alam mo na magpropropose si Marion. Ayos na ayos ka eh.” Thank God for bad traffic – Nakapag-ayos ako! Haha!)

A week before the day, my tita and I went to the parlor for haircut. She insisted that I have my nails done. I was actually hesitant and told her that I’ll be having my nails done a week before my US trip para di humaba agad at maganda kuko ko sa US. She asserted that I have it manicured because she already knew then that Marion is going to propose (Marion asked for my family’s blessing a week before when I was in a company event)

Mother was suddenly interested with Toastmasters and days before, she was asking me where we hold our venue, what time etc.

The proposal did not happened abroad and I wouldn’t care. Whether he asked me in a fastfood establishment (which he jokes before para daw masusurprise talaga ko) or at the top of San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge, what matters is that it is him who popped the question. I think I wouldn’t find anyone as sincere and as wonderful man as him. I am one lucky girl.

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These exclamation points are not enough though. I'm still high!!!

OH YEAH!!!
Finally, after n months of not being able to write in this blog (actually it was only a month since I last blogged but then I have so many backlogs to do!!!), I am back!
This was the first time (after n days) I was able to sit down...and do nothing! I am soooooo happy. I couldn't contain my happiness! Ever since I graduated, I have become busier (which is really ironic). Hay. Anyway, I have to write about a lot of things. But for today, let this picture do the talking. I hope this will do for now because I am really really sleepy and I need to take a power nap... (sidenote: so as I was about to type that I needed to take a power nap, someone just called my phone and surprise!!! I can't take a power nap anymore because I'm needed in ten minutes. Hays). I have to end this one for now... Hello Day 1 of what seems eternity 3 days! I can do this. (Luh... Like I've been a survivor for almost 730 days now teeeheee)

Lost

This is my favorite picture of us during my MBA graduation. Marion used the picture as his FB cover photo and what was funny is that his friends starting teasing him because of his... phone case! Lol. Below is the snapshot:

Two years ago, I gave him a belt on his birthday. Up to this day, he has not used that belt because of the freaking phone case. According to my boyfriend, masyadong malaki yung belt at di niya masuot ang phone case niya!!! Naloka ko! Anyway, okay fine. I told him to change his phone case dahil di na uso yung ganun. But the OC in him of course does not want to! According to him, he might lose his phone if the case is not attached to his belt. Okay, so I gave up. But once in a while, I tease him tatapon ko na 'tong case mo, just wait and see. Lol.

So last night, while he is busy with his phone, I saw his phone case again. I jokingly told him, "Hay naku baby... eto na naman tong case mo. Haha! Pag gising mo bukas naitapon ko na to."
"Eh baby... ok lang yan. Kasi kesa mawala phone ko. At least nakakabit sa belt. Kesa yung nasa bulsa ko, baka mahulog"
Me: "Wow ah. Mahuhulog talaga?"
He demonstrated me an example using his phone
Marion: "Baby. Isipin mo dati... Yung phone ko ganito lang kaliit. Kalahati lang netong phone ko ngayon yung size. Pero nawala pa kasi sa bulsa nakalagay."
Me: "Huh? Bakit? San nawala?"
Marion: "Nilagay ko sa bulsa ko...tapos baby... butas pala yung bulsa ko..."
So I started laughing hysterically.
Me: "Hahahaha! Eh baby. Jusko butas naman pala kasi yung bulsa mo. Talagang mawawala yun. Ilagay daw ba sa butas na bulsa ang phone. Anong tawag dun?
I was waiting for him to answer "katangahan" but then...
Marion: *said in full conviction* Lost...
Hahaha! I almost died laughing. My boyfriend is so witty! Onganaman. Lost nga naman tawag dun. Hays.

I Wonder What Would Have Happened If We Had Been Just Friends by Lacey Ramburger

I wonder what would happen if we had just stayed friends.

Every thing has a time and a season. Some things are meant to last, and some things just don’t. It’s a simple, but sometimes difficult, fact of life we must accept. Yet at one point in time, you were really important to me. You were someone I looked forward to talking, sharing interests, and having conversations with. Time and circumstances changed the amount we are now involved in each others lives, and it’s probably for the best, right?

Sometimes I just wonder what would have happened if we had stayed friends instead.

Rather than following the infatuation that comes along with crushes and thoughts of what your mouth tasted like, if we had just focused more on who each other was.

We had some of that, I think. In the back of my mind I still recall memories of things you told me about yourself, and they are brought to mind every now and again. I hear certain songs from artists you recommended I listen to, and I just want to talk to somebody about how incredible they are. I want to message you and skip the small talk, the “how’ve you been?” and “how’s it going?” and just jump straight into the deep moments currently taking place. I wish we still had that bond, because you were so fascinating to me. I didn’t love you; honestly I never had the opportunity. I don’t really look back at you as an honest heartbreak-maybe more like a bruise. It can sting when I think about how things ended so vaguely and open ended. The kind of ending that means reaching out and trying to build a friendship shouldn’t be awkward or insane.

Yet I can’t seem to manage to catch up with you the way I want to. Sometimes I’m brave. Sometimes I’m able to have a short conversation with you. Yet all the anxiety, all of the thoughts of “Does he honestly want to have a conversation? Or is he just being nice?” and the worries about what you must think, of this girl from the past trying to talk to you like I just saw you yesterday. When honestly, I can’t even recall the last time I laid eyes on you.

I feel like reaching out to you again would give off the wrong idea though. I’m not wanting to fall back into your arms again. I’m not wanting to find your mouth at 2 a.m again.

We had our time, and it was great. It’s something I remember. I just don’t want that aspect of us anymore.

I simply wonder what would have happened if the connection we built had been based more on being open and having intentional conversations instead of flirtations that fizzled out and promises that didn’t come through. I wonder if we would be friends even now, in each others corner and part of each other’s lives, rather than a memory documented in an old photo album or words in a worn out journal, closed and stored away only to be flipped through occasionally.

Part of me wants to type out that message, be the one to reach out, be the one who isn’t afraid of what it looks like or how it appears. To be bold and brave. Yet I won’t in the end. I’ll just keep up with you by word of mouth of our friends and see your life through highlights on timelines.

Because we had our time. We didn’t choose that path, so despite the fact that maybe in some other alternate universe we could’ve had a friendship that defied the odds, we live in this universe. We live here, and we live with the results.

So we live without each other, and we will be okay.